IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There are some predictions that signs lower the average of
people
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's
health
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 condition, and
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is concerning among individuals. Many signs are visible in the current years and most
people
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 fear that the prediction will become positive in decades. The
food
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 that consumers encounter every day mostly contains excessive amounts of addictive ingredients,
such
Linking Words
 as fat, sodium, and sugar.
This
Linking Words
 nourishment nowadays are cheaper, instant, and accessible option than foods that contain healthier ingredients like vegetables or fruits. Consumers can buy easily from fast
food
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 restaurants or shopping malls in the form of self-rewarding meals or even daily consumption.
However
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, if we consume
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
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 regularly, we will have diseases that are hard to cure,
such
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 as diabetes or obesity. World
Health
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 Organization presents that
this
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 number of the mentioned cases has skyrocketed in the 21st century.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the quality of healthcare shows a declining pattern.
Health
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 security, care, and medicines are getting more expensive and outreach to lower-income
people
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. Hospital bureaucracy is unfriendly and slow, as patients would have to wait for specialist treatment for weeks or months.
Not to mention
Linking Words
 issues like underpaid workers and understaffed in some of the
health
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
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. Regarding
this
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 condition, individuals are opting to take care of themselves rather than seeking professionals, resulting in untreated illness and a higher chance of the symptoms becoming more severe. In conclusion, the
food
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 and healthcare quality today will become the main issue regarding
people
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's average age and
health
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 in the future. The arguments above will deter the improvement of the human development index if we ignore these signs of
health
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 deterioration. These are the reflections of the stakeholders that are able to prevent the situation.

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task achievement
The introduction does not clearly present the topic nor your stance. An effective introduction should immediately clarify your position on the statement provided, either in agreement or disagreement.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt by providing a clear opinion on the statement. Each paragraph should contain a main idea that relates back to the argument and helps build your case.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic which is elaborated on, rather than presenting new ideas without sufficient development.
coherence cohesion
Cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, should be used to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, overuse or incorrect use can make the essay difficult to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the points you've made and reiterate your response to the essay question. Make sure it is a logical end to your argument.
task achievement
Support main points with specific examples. Each point you make should be linked to a specific example or piece of evidence that backs up your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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