IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

21. In many parts of the world, more and more large supermarkets are opening and smaller local shops are closing down. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages for local people?

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Recently more massive supermarkets are making their way into
the
Correct article usage
apply
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general consumerism. They are preferred
than
Change preposition
to
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 the smaller local
markets
Use synonyms
, which makes them
to
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shut down.
This
Linking Words
 rapid change contributes to more of a disadvantage to local individuals,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 an advantage, because of the fact that many
people
Use synonyms
 are losing their jobs by removing the owned
stores
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.
Certainly
Add a comma
Certainly,
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 there are a few reasons why these
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 in the market may make most
of
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
’s lives easier.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views. We have some may argue I hold the believe that closing community
markets
Use synonyms
 has more cons than pros dot financial laws may appear by preferring larger shops of choice. Popularised
stores
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
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are
also
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 key far-away, places and more often not easily accessible to the general masses.
People
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 are most likely going to need some kind of transportation to get to the destination, which
also
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 makes importing
of
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the selected items and groceries harder if you don’t own a car.
for instance
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, Bulgaria’s enormous chain
markets
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 are always hard to reach because of their location,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes it harder for elderly
people
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 to be satisfied and get everything that they need.
Although
Linking Words
 the shutting down has some challenges, having an available large food market is
also
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 helpful. One reason is the attainable options which are provided by the
markets
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. Everything is put on display from cosmetics to essential products to even food choices. Smaller
stores
Use synonyms
 do not have the capability to sell that
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 variations of products,
for example
Linking Words
, the enormous
food, selling
Correct your spelling
food-selling
 chain in Bulgaria, called Metro has items going from home necessities to alive seafood, ready to be cooked,
stored
Correct word choice
and stored
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 in water tanks. In conclusion,
while
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 there may be some pros and cons in the said statement. I surely believe that by removing local
stores
Use synonyms
 a number of
people
Use synonyms
 will fall into a financial crisis, which will only harm elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who don’t have the needed requirements to own a bigger place, or it will be a huge loss to society by itself.

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Task Achievement
The essay shows some understanding of the task, but it does not explore both advantages and disadvantages of the development in equal measure nor does it present a clear position throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas being presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. Ideas and paragraphs should flow logically from one to the next through the skillful use of cohesive devices and appropriate paragraphing.
Task Achievement
Specific examples, while present, are not fully developed and do not effectively support the points being made. More detailed and relevant examples could strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but not fully effective. The introduction should more clearly state the topic and preview the main points, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the argument without introducing new ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Grammatical errors and unclear expressions are present throughout the essay, and these significantly hinder communication. Proofreading to eliminate errors and working on sentence construction would benefit the coherence and quality of the essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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