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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.
#line #changes #amount #type #food #australian #teenagers
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A glance at the graph illustrates that
at
Change preposition
in
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 the bygone
area
Add a comma
area,
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 eating habits were healthier in comparison; but, as time passes a great deal larger of youngsters have had
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
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 to eat fast foods.
Overall
Linking Words
, enthusiasm to eat processed food
have
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has
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 been boomed during
this
Linking Words
 interval; in comparison, the rate of eating
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
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 food have been declined. First and foremost,
at
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in
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 the first year of
investigation
Add a comma
investigation,
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 almost no fast food was in
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
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 meals of teenagers;
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 each person
annually
Rephrase
apply
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has eaten fish roughly 100 times which is a magnificent number. gradually after 10
years
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years,
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this
Linking Words
 amount has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased up to roughly 90 times;
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 time, suddenly the facts and figures related to that have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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slumped to less than 40 times a year. Regarding the consumption of
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
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 and pizza, since 1975 young people started to eat
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
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 of foods. In more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, it became a trend. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
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, the rate of eating them
have
Change the verb form
has
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 rocketed. Generally eating
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
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 had more fans,
at
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in
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 1985 was at the highest level and after
that
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that,
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 it continued to grow with a gentle slope.
Moreover
Linking Words
, statistics related to eating pizza experienced a peak
at
Change preposition
in
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 1990, but after that it became steady.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption
  • Trend
  • Hamburgers
  • Pizza
  • Fried chicken
  • Period
  • Health awareness
  • Availability
  • Taste preferences
  • Marketing influence
  • Implications
  • Western culture
  • Peak periods
  • Promotions
  • Societal habits
  • Patterns
  • Popular
  • Declined
  • Introduction
  • Eating habits
  • Summarise
  • Prediction
  • Recommendations
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