IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Obesity rates are on the rise globally. Discuss the main factors contributing to this health crisis and propose possible solutions to address it."

In the world,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is a very big problem. It happens with some, and
this
Linking Words
 agonizes many
people
Use synonyms
. After providing a careful analysis of why
obesity
Use synonyms
 has risen so sharply globally, I will suggest a few ways in which the
obesity
Use synonyms
 epidemic can be ameliorated.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
obesity
Use synonyms
 is now a very prominent disease in a certain sense. That's a lot of reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, poor eating is
that eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
,
semi - finished
Add a hyphen
semi-finished
show examples
 foods and
that is
Linking Words
 the main reason
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 corpulence. In fact, little over one-third of adults eat on any given day and that’s about 84.8 million adults eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 or
semi – finished
Correct your spelling
semi–finished
show examples
 foods every day.
As a result
Linking Words
, every year around 11
people
Use synonyms
 die with reason of it, and it is more than smoking.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a sleep routine
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 important for fat loss.
Since there
Correct word choice
There
show examples
 is mounting evidence that
people
Use synonyms
 who get too little or more have a higher risk of weight gain and
obesity
Use synonyms
 than
people
Use synonyms
 who get seven to eight hours of sleep at night.
However
Linking Words
, despite the severity of the
obesity
Use synonyms
 problem, there are many ways in which it could battle it more effectively.
He
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 best way
Fix the infinitive
to treats
show examples
treats
Correct subject-verb agreement
treat
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 is to eat a healthy, reduced-calorie diet and exercise regularly.
For example
Linking Words
: some countries could put far more pressure on fast
food
Use synonyms
 outlets to provide healthy alternatives to semi-finished foods and soft drinks and they act to increase and provide healthy outlets. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
obesity’s
Correct your spelling
obesity is
show examples
reasons are
Verb problem
caused by
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 poor diet and wrong sleep routine, and
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
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 is that increase healthy
food
Use synonyms
 outlets with pressure on fast
food
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 sales points.
Although
Linking Words
obesity
Use synonyms
 is
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 issue in the world, if the above steps are taken,
this
Linking Words
 situation will surely improve in the coming years

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction must paraphrase the question and state your position, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position.
Paragraphing
Aim to structure your paragraphs logically, with a clear central idea in each and coherent transition sentences connecting them.
Supporting Details
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Vague statements weaken your argument.
Task Completion
Address all parts of the task, ensuring thorough discussion of the causes and potential solutions for obesity.
Grammar
Work on grammar accuracy and range, avoiding fragments and run-on sentences. Use a variety of complex sentences to express your ideas.
Vocabulary
Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases. Expand your vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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