Doctor, nurse and teachers make a great contribution to the society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

IN THE
DEVELPING
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DEVELOPING
WORLD, THE MEDICAL
FIELDS STAFFS
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FIELD STAFF
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AND
PROFFESSORS
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PROFESSORS
ARE PLAYING A CRUCIAL ROLE IN THE
DEVELOMENT
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DEVELOPMENT
OF THE COMMUNITY.
HOWEVER
, THEY ARE ALWAYS PAID LOWER
SALARY
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SALARIES
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AND
THEREFORE
IT IS ARGUED THAT THEY
SHOUD
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SHOULD
GET MORE FINANCIAL BENEFITS THAN THE
PEPOPLE
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PEOPLE
WORK
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WHO WORK
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IN THE ENTERTAINMENT FIELD. I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH
THIS
STATEMENT AS THEY ARE
BEING
Unnecessary verb
apply
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A
SAFEGAURD
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SAFEGUARD
TO THE WHOLE SOCIETY.
FIRSTLY
, DOCTORS,
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AND NURSE
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NURSE
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NURSES
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ARE CONTRIBUTING
Wrong verb form
CONTRIBUTE
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IN
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TO
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THE
WELBEING
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WELLBEING
OF THE INDIVIDUALS
THROUGH
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BY
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SACRIFICING THEIR TIME AND PERSONAL LIFE, AND THE TEACHERS ARE GIVING THEIR EFFORTS TO DEVELOP THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE STUDENTS WHO ARE GOING TO BE THE FUTURE LEADERS
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Include a strong thesis statement and summarizing conclusive thoughts to give your essay a clear and structured beginning and end.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay needs to have a logical sequence of ideas for better clarity and understanding. Paragraphing can be used to separate different ideas, contributing to the logical flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. This will add depth to your argument and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The response is incomplete and does not fulfill the requirements of the task, which includes discussing both sides of the argument or having a thorough discussion of your stance if you are agree or disagree. Ensure the essay is a complete thought with well-rounded viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Use clearer, more comprehensive statements of your ideas. Avoid ambiguous phrasing, and make sure each sentence contributes to your overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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