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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in school to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

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The specified time allocated for
sports
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activities
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 should be extended in school to address obesity
problems
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 for
students
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. Given that increasing
sports
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 classes in the curriculum has many substantial benefits for
weight
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 control of
students
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, there are
also
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 other crucial solutions to effectively address the
problem
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 of overweightweight
students
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such
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 as teaching them to choose a well-balanced diet and active parental involvement to afford them healthy environments. In the following, we will elaborate more on the advantages of increasing
sports
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 times
as well as
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 discuss additional factors that contribute to solving the root causes of overweight
problems
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 significantly. Boosting the time specified for doing outdoor
activities
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 and
sports
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 exercises is an effective step to control the
weight
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 of
students
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.
Furthermore
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, it cultivates a good habit of doing daily
sports
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 exercises at a young age. In fact, doing exercise daily can significantly contribute to loose extra
weight
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 for obese
students
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.
Hence
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,
this
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 strategy could dramatically help
students
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 to manage their
weight
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. In fact,
students
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 prefer spending their time on screen-based
activities
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 rather than doing outdoor
activities
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.
Hence
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,
this
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 strategy encourages
students
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 to take care of their well-being and manage their
weight
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. Turning to other profound strategies that could be applied to solve the
problem
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 of overweight, first teaching
students
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 about healthy food and choosing a well-balanced diet that contains all essential minerals and vitamins.
However
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, doing exercise without eating nutritious meals is not a well-rounded approach.
Hence
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, it is essential to foster a habit of selecting healthier foods.
Moreover
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, parental involvement plays a pivotal role in affording healthy environments.
For example
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, parents should
also
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 apply strict rules that force their children to select healthy food and
thus
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 prevent overweight
problems
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 in the early stages.
Additionally
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, parents could motivate their children to reduce screen-time
activities
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 and engage them in outdoor and recreational
activities
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. All of these factors could significantly reduce the
problem
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 of being overweight.
To conclude
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, involving
students
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 in
sports
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activities
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 has profound impacts on controlling extra
weight
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 for
students
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.
However
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, there is a real need to teach
students
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 how to select healthy food to prevent overweight
problems
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.
Furthermore
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, it is
also
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 necessary to involve parents in creating for them a healthy and active lifestyle. In my opinion, it is essential to apply all of these factors to solve the
problem
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 of over-
weight
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 dramatically.

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introduction conclusion present
For a stronger essay, your introduction should clearly state your opinion or stance on the topic, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments while reiterating your position.
supported main points
Develop your main points with clearer topic sentences and follow up with more specific examples and explanations to support the arguments you're making. This will help to strengthen the impact of your essay.
complete response
Ensure that your essay directly answers the questions posed, including all parts of the prompt. You could be more explicit in answering whether increased time in sport is the best solution, and provide more varied solutions with examples to fully address the task
logical structure
To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and use cohesive devices to better link your ideas and arguments throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to explain your ideas in more depth, providing comprehensive reasoning and clearer elaboration as to why certain solutions are effective. This could greatly improve the reader's understanding and engagement.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to back up your claims. This will add authenticity and depth to your essay, making your arguments more persuasive and relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • physical education
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • nutrition education
  • healthy eating habits
  • balanced meals
  • junk food
  • parental involvement
  • community initiatives
  • fitness programs
  • government policies
  • subsidies
  • multi-dimensional approach
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