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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
Nowadays, the influence of Television takes the hobby out of individuals,
as well as
 keeps them away from interaction with others. I fully agree with
this
 statement, and I will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, the advancement of technology has provided a way of life for people more conveniently and comfortably. A multitude of
TV
 industries has been constantly growing for many years. People spend a huge of
time
 watching and following
TV
 programs.
As a result
, they have lost the opportunity to do some good actions in their lives, including some activities that improve themselves to be better.
For example
,
instead
 of spending
time
 after school to do and revise lessons, most students use
this
 occasion to watch and follow
TV
 programs.
Secondly
, numerous citizens have dedicated theirs to
TV
 channels. They are familiars with
TV
 screens. They do not have
time
 to build good relationships with their families, friends, colleagues and so on.
Furthermore
, they are more likely to be a lazy person which makes them procrastinate other actions.
For instance
, when children have poor interaction with their family, they tend to waste hours doing some movement that have less benefit,
this
finally
 leads to a loss lot of advantages for the family. In conclusion, Television takes much
time
 from the way of life of people, which makes them lose more
time
 in order to do good exercise and establish a great relationship with the members of society.
Moreover
, among young generations, they are more likely to procrastinate in their lives.
Submitted by mahawichet on

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task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the task are fully covered. Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to effectively support your main ideas.
task achievement
Work on clarifying and expanding your ideas. Strive to present your arguments in a more comprehensive manner, ensuring that each point is fully explained and supported.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, real-life examples to enhance your argument's persuasiveness and relevance. This adds depth to your essay and demonstrates a higher level of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Create a clearer, more logical structure in your essay. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with proper use of linking words and phrases, enhancing the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
While you have a clear introduction and conclusion, review them to ensure they effectively set the stage and summarize your argument, thereby strengthening your essay's cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with additional supporting details to enhance their impact. Your essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of each point presented.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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