IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The media tends to focus on problems rather than positive developments. Some people think that this is harmful to individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #focus #developments #people #individuals #society
Social media is used to show problems and less positive
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
developments
 in society. There are people who think that it does not have a good impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
This
 essay is going to support my point of view. On the one hand, different
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 tend to show
crimen
Correct your spelling
crime
show examples
, bad behaviour, political issues and other bad
thins
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 that
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
happens
 every day in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life. It is
also
 informative, we need to be
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the situation of our country and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
.
For example
, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 crimes in the
north
Replace the word
northern
show examples
 part of our city can help us to be more aware and maybe to take some controls to reduce the incidents.
On the other hand
, if we are
constanlty
Correct your spelling
constantly
 watching negative events,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we are
attraped
Correct your spelling
attracted
 to see
bad
Add an article
a bad
the bad
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 and we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 notice that there are more positive things.
For instance
, if we see a children who created a new technology to treat cancer, it would have a good impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young people. Maybe, they could promote new ideas to improve our world. In
this
 way, I firmily agree that we watch and listen can impact us in different
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
. So, we need to be careful
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 we
are consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
.
Submitted by alexandra.choque on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction/Conclusion Structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which restate the main topic and the writer's viewpoint. Both these components are essential for structuring the essay effectively and should be clearly defined.
Logical Structure
Be sure to organize your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea each. Transition sentences between paragraphs will vastly improve the logical flow of your ideas.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. Examples should be relevant, clear, and enhance the reader's understanding of your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, including some relevant points, but a more developed argument with examples to support each of your main ideas will be necessary to achieve a higher score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: