IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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There has been a discussion about what the actual impact of many enhancements made in agriculture is and why there are still cases of hunger around the
world
Use synonyms
. I believe that the main reason for
this
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 problem is the scarcity of access and information from particular areas that isolates them from the authority
therefore
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, creating its access must be the profound thing to start. The first reason is the limitation of internet connection. Most of the famine cases come from countries with poverty thereby having no funds to make an internet provider and few investors are interested in investing their money.
Although
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 there is an initiative from particular nations or
world
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 organizations, it is hindered by
this
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 hurdle
as a result
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 they cancel the plan.
Secondly
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, to create a sustainable source of food needs to build an irrigation system and other support which requires a large amount of money. For an immediate solution, it can be done by giving food stocks and sending them through the Air Force or Navy service.
Furthermore
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, a long-term solution can be solved with the construction of new infrastructure in the country,
such
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 as internet tower providers, irrigation dams, and other systems.
For example
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, some similar cases held in Africa are slowly progressing through
this
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 solution,
world
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 organizations
together with
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 its governments and inhabitants are working together to cope with
this
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 problem  In summary, the reasons for the community's famine might be the cause of the infrastructure scarcity and poverty,
however
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, it can be solved through the collaboration of
world
Use synonyms
 organizations and other fundings to provide temporary stocks and sustainable farms in a poor country.

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What works well

2
task achievement

You’ve identified important issues such as internet access and infrastructure as barriers to agricultural success. This shows a good understanding of the complexities surrounding hunger.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a logical flow, moving from highlighting the problem to suggesting potential solutions. This structure is effective in guiding the reader through your arguments.

Improvement Suggestions

3
coherence and cohesion

Enhance clarity in your argument by providing clearer connections between points. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details directly relate to that idea.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when discussing the need for infrastructure, you could provide examples of successful initiatives in specific regions or countries.

coherence and cohesion

Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more explicitly and restating the significance of addressing hunger on a global scale, reinforcing your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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