Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In today's schools, we have sports
competition
between different classes in different major sports , Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
such
as football , volleyball and so on. Usually, these events are performed once a year in each school in your town . Linking Words
this
may have advantages and disadvantages for Linking Words
students
that we are going to discuss in Use synonyms
this
essay.
Trainers need to be taught about teamwork , so Linking Words
this
competition , especially the ones which include Linking Words
teamworks
helps Correct your spelling
teamwork
team works
students
to learn how to cooperate with each other as a team . Use synonyms
This
may lead them to be more comfortable and much friendlier in their future career. Linking Words
Also
, these competitions are very helpful in the physical and mental health of Linking Words
student
because if they want to compete they need to prepare themselves before Fix the agreement mistake
students
match
,Add an article
the match
a match
for instance
, a football team should have training sessions before the match to bring their best to the show , so it is very beneficial for the Linking Words
students
as they train themselves physically and mentally.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, it may cause some educational effects. Some Linking Words
students
might be drowning in competing and training and forget about school lessons and do not pay attention to them as they used to ,so it has to be under the control of school teachers . Use synonyms
Furthermore
, some trainers might get injured during these competitions by other competitors , it is very common in football and basketball matches as they play aggressively without any mercy.
In conclusion , I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because Linking Words
students
need to be taught to work together as a team and keep the competitors' atmosphere in order to grow and make process in their lives.Use synonyms
Submitted by amirrezadelghandi3 on
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Task Achievement
Please ensure that the introduction provides a clear background and presents both views and your opinion on the issue. The introduction as it stands is lacking a balanced presentation of the essay's aim.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop a clear thesis statement that explicitly states your position and the structure of the essay. Without a clear thesis, the reader may struggle to understand the primary argument you aim to convey.
Task Achievement
The conclusion needs to summarise the main points discussed in the essay and reiterate your position with clarity. Ensure that the conclusion ties together the discussion and your viewpoint effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure that the essay maintains a logical flow from one paragraph to the next, using transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly. The current structure does show a progression of ideas, but the transitions between them are somewhat abrupt and could be smoother.
Task Achievement
Be sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea or topic sentence which is then elaborated with supporting details and examples. While the essay includes some examples, they can be more specific and directly linked to the educational context to strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.