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Writing Samples
Band 6

the charts show average levels of paticipation in education and the highest education level of adults from 2000 to 2010 in Singapore

the charts show average levels of paticipation in education and the highest education level of adults from 2000 to 2010 in Singapore
The charts
Illustrates
Change the verb form
Illustrate
show examples
 the number of adult people that take
vairy
Correct word choice
vocational
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and the highest
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 in Singapore
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 five categories
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000 to 2010. The
level
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, all people who
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 over
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 was male which was almost
one to third
Correct your spelling
one-third
show examples
 more than
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adult female and the lowest gender who
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 was female. University degree was higher than that
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 other levels. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
average
Change the article
an average
the average
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 number of
years
Use synonyms
 spent at school adult males spent most at more than
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 but less than twelve
years
Use synonyms
 in 2010. Compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 gender which spent
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less than
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 qualification was the highest
level
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 at 32.13% in 2010 and it significantly decreased over
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 later
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 19.55%. As opposed university qualification was higher at 32.93% in 2010. The lowest number of
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 was
Correct article usage
the master
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master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 qualification at 7.5% in 2000 and it increased almost four
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 over
ten
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 30.31% in 2010.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, level, ten, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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