IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

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It is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fact that nowadays young
people
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 are affected easily by their
peer
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 friends’
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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while
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 there are some arguments that it brings many disadvantages.
This
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 essay will analyze why I believe that the inconveniences of
this
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 are outweighed by its merits. On the one hand,
peer
Use synonyms
pressure
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 brings a host of drawbacks. First and foremost, when
people
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 are under
peer
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pressure
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, they usually feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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, frustrated and disappointed
about
Change preposition
in
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 themselves.
This
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 is because of the fact that looking at other's success might make them feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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 and even consider themselves failures. Another compelling idea is that they might doubt their abilities when doing something
that is
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 harder. A very important point to consider is that when seeing their
peer
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people
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's success, they may have negative thoughts that only outstanding
people
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 can surpass challenges
except
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
This
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 will make them "real failures".
On the other hand
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, I believe that in spite of the downsides given above, the benefits are more significant. The primary reason is that
peer
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pressure
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also
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 gives them motivation to try their best and surpass their limits.
For instance
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,
peer
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pressure
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 has created a competitive environment for
people
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 to challenge themselves, so they will build ambitions and passions of being
champion
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champions
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 for themselves.
Furthermore
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, when they join
in
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apply
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a group of good
people
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, they can be nice
people
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 like their friends. To illustrate, when they have good friends, they may see and learn their friends’
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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. In
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run, they will have good habits and
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
,
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apply
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 and will
be better versions
Change the verb form
be better versioned
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. In conclusion,
although
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this
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 trend is not without disadvantages, the advantages will be far more significant if
people
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 have willing hearts and ambitions. By considering all the pros and cons,
people
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 will make the best decisions for themselves.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The structure is present, but transitions can be improved for better logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and clear explanation to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument comprehensively and providing a clear opinion on the matter.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and precision of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing paragraphs that focus on a single main idea with clearly connected supporting sentences.
task achievement
Include a conclusion that effectively summarizes your position and the key points discussed in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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