IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

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One
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 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the impact of professional
athletes
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for
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on
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 young
people
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. Some
people
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 are sure that sports players always can be a good motivation for
others
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,
while
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others
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 don’t agree with
this
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 statement. A commonly held belief is that
sportsperson
Correct article usage
a sportsperson
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 is a main description of discipline, leadership and determination and it is not a lie. They really inspire youngsters to develop themselves and take responsibility for their actions. As evidence of
this
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, they point to examples of
athletes
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 who have overcome significant challenges to achieve greatness.
One
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such
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 example is Alexandra Trusova widely regarded as
one
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 of the best figure skaters of all time. Despite being a young, weak girl with
a
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apply
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low stamina at
first,
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she demonstrated unwavering
endeavor
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endeavour
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 and aspiration by dedicating countless hours to improving her skills.
Finally
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, she became the first female athlete who
jumped
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jump
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quadruple
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the quadruple
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 axel and entered a Guinness record.
As a result
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,
athletes
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 become role models who influence the younger generation to fight for their dreams.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 claim that
athletes
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 may inadvertently set examples that negatively impact
others
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.
One
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 considerable problem is the use of drugs. Many sportsmen take the wrong way in pursuit of success. Cyclist Armstrong who was caught
by
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apply
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using doping is a good indicator of what rash actions lead to and dependences. The explanation lies in the fact that some of the well-known
people
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 do not understand that
others
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 can follow their behaviour. Even though they are popular, they do not take responsibility. So negative choices of some can have a profound effect on the values of teenagers. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that professional
athletes
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 are
people
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 who evolve strength and accountability. No matter whether they do good things or bad, they show that every decision has consequences

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clear comprehensive ideas
To enhance the clarity of your essay, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a distinct point of view. Consider elaborating on your main points with more detailed explanations and examples.
relevant specific examples
Strive to provide examples that not only illustrate your points but also directly relate to the argument you are making. This will enhance the relevance of your support.
complete response
Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies to elevate the precision and professionalism of your writing.
logical structure
The essay provides a balanced discussion by addressing both supporting and opposing viewpoints.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your arguments, giving a clear context and summarizing your stance.
supported main points
You've included relevant examples that support your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exemplify
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • humble beginnings
  • motivate
  • inspire
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • negative behavior
  • drug abuse
  • unlawful activities
  • sensationalizes
  • unrealistic
  • unattainable standards
  • material success
  • skewed value system
  • high visibility
  • magnifies
  • faults
  • misleading
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