Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that young from 14 to around 18 must help in voluntary
activities
during their free time, for
contribute and try to have a better local Change preposition
to
community
. Personally, I think that it could be a good idea, but I don’t think that is
essential for the well-being of local
Add an article
the local
community
. However
, that proposal could have benefits for both, for
the Change preposition
apply
community
and for the teenager who performs the activity.
In our days, teenager have a lot of free time, and instead
of playing video games or watch
Wrong verb form
watching
the
TV, they can do some Correct article usage
apply
activities
that could help the
Correct article usage
apply
society
and their personal performance. For example
, they can help in environmental activities
, that
is a popular subject in Correct pronoun usage
which
this
century. To help the community
in
environmental things, they can participate in garbage collection events around the city or go to green spaces to pick up garbage. Change preposition
with
This
will help the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, the
environment, you will be happy and mentally stable because you will have performed an exemplary activity, and it is good for your future because you will live on Correct word choice
and the
this
planet.
The following, it
can be helping in volunteer projects Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as,
participating in non-profit organizations, collaborating in Remove the comma
apply
community
projects, helping
in animal shelters or care centres for the elderly. In brief, Correct word choice
or helping
participate
in volunteer organisations can Wrong verb form
participating
also
be positive for the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, along with
doing this
type of activities
that can later help you in your curriculum, Fix the agreement mistake
activity
therefore
it is also
good for your personal development.
In conclusion, if the
adolescents realise Correct article usage
apply
this
type of voluntary activities
, it is very good for all Fix the agreement mistake
activity
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, including animals and is also
interesting for their personal development and their future. However
, I don’t think that is
essential, and every teenager can do what he or she wants.Submitted by santos_dij on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear and strong introduction that outlines the writer's viewpoint; it's necessary to state whether you 'agree' or 'disagree' more clearly. The conclusion is quite weak and repeats the idea without giving a final, decisive statement on your view. I recommend working on a stronger thesis statement and a conclusive final paragraph that summarises your argument effectively.
logical structure
Your essay's structure is confusing and paragraphs seem to contain multiple ideas without a clear central topic. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea that supports your argument. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
supported main points
While you have attempted to support your main points, it's crucial to provide specific, detailed examples for each point you make. This helps to illustrate and strengthen your argument. To enhance your writing, include at least one specific example per paragraph.
complete response
Your response only somewhat answers the prompt and your position is not clear throughout the essay. A complete response must take a clear stance on the issue and address both sides of the argument consistently. Refine your position and ensure your essay develops that position more comprehensively across all paragraphs.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are somewhat generic and lack depth. To achieve a higher score, expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and rationales. Show how the activities you mention directly benefit both the teenager and the community.
relevant specific examples
The examples given are relevant, but lack specificity and depth. Instead of general statements, use concrete examples that are directly related to the teenagers and local community to illustrate your points more effectively.
