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Writing Samples
Band 3

What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching TV? Nowadays , children involved in watching TV .They spend most of their time in front if it.In this essay , I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages for offspring of watching TV.

#children #tv #time #front
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One of the most
advantages
Correct word choice
important advantages
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 is
children
 can learn some information from what they're watching.What
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 mean by
this
 is these days a lot
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 creative and
speactacular
Correct your spelling
spectacular
 cartoons are being widely spread around the world and increasingly watched by youngsters .
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 they can't bother their
parents
while
 they're doing their own
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.In
majority
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the majority
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 of cases , when
parents
 are busy with their work , they save their
time
 by leaving
TV
Add an article
the TV
a TV
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 on for their youngsters.
On the other hand
 ,
this
 decision is not without
it's
Replace the word
its
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 downsides.Generally speaking , families lose their relationships with their
children
.If
children
 become more and more addicted to
TV
 , their perception of spending
time
 with their
parents
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 real relationship between family members will change.For many , it has a bad effect on their future life.One of the main negative sides is it might
afflicts
Wrong verb form
afflict
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 their health.Watching screens for long periods of
time
 can lead to difficulties falling asleep ,disturbed sleep patterns , low eye level and other health issues . All things considered , there are clearly both pros and cons to watching
TV
 for
children
.It is important to care
parents
Change preposition
for parents
show examples
 with their
children
's health.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it can
also
 be difficult to spend all the
time
 with their
children
.In my view , watching
TV
 could divert
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 from activities that help brain development. Sarvinoz
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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structure
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cohesion
The essay presents a logical order of ideas, but it can benefit from more cohesive devices to highlight the relationship between ideas better.
content
Your essay addresses the question but needs a more nuanced discussion and clearer examples to fully satisfy the task achievement criterion.
grammar
Varied sentence structures will enhance the readability and cohesion of your essay.
vocab
Strengthen your argument by introducing a broader range of vocabulary specific to the topic of the advantages and disadvantages of children watching TV.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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