More and more people today are spending large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

#people #amount #money #complexions #progression

In today’s world, there is a noticeable

trend

of people investing substantial amounts of money in their

appearance

, with the intention of looking younger.

This

essay aims to explore

underlying

Correct article usage

the underlying

show examples

reasons behind

this

trend

and delves into the negative effects that

this

trend

has. There are several reasons behind the growing inclination to spend on maintaining a youthful

appearance

Firstly

, there is generally significant appreciation given for the youthful outlook. Youth is perceived as a symbol of beauty and freshness, which many individuals try to relate to.

Therefore

, as long as

this

attitude exists, people will always make an effort to look younger.

Secondly

, advancements in medical and cosmetic technologies have made it easier and more accessible for people to pursue and achieve a more youthful

appearance

. From non-invasive treatments like Botox and fillers to more extensive procedures like facelifts and laser treatments, the options available today cater to a wide range of preferences and budgets. In my view, the obsession with looking younger can have negative implications. One notable effect is that it can create an unhealthy fixation on external

appearance

, leading to body image issues especially the feeling of dissatisfaction with their own bodies. In some cases, individuals with body dysmorphia may become excessively focused on perceived flaws, real or imagined, and engage in repetitive

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

or seek multiple cosmetic procedures in an attempt to correct or enhance their

appearance

This

can take a financial toll on their budget. Another negative aspect is the possibility of procedure failure or unsatisfactory results, despite advancements in medical technology and techniques.

For example

, surgical procedures for a younger look can be counterproductive, resulting in unnatural or disproportionate outcomes that may be perceived as weird or unaesthetic. In conclusion, the increasing expenditure on

appearance

to achieve a younger look can be attributed to societal expectations

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and technological advancements. I hold a firm belief that

this

trend

has the potential to foster unhealthy obsessions and financial strain.

Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on Fri Dec 01 2023

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Task Achievement

While your essay features a proper introduction and conclusion, the introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses both parts of the question regarding why people want to look younger and whether this trend is positive or negative.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay fully addresses all components of the prompt. This essay could be improved by discussing more balanced viewpoints on the trend's positive and negative aspects, as well as including more specific examples to illustrate your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates good use of linking words and phrases, contributing to the overall flow and coherence. To further strengthen this, consider using a wider variety of connective words and ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly into one another.

Coherence and Cohesion

Each paragraph should revolve around a single main idea that supports your overall argument. Make sure that you are developing your main points with detailed examples and explanations, which could be more concrete and specific in this essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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More and more people today are spending large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

Your opinion

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

The old generation often hold traditional ideas about the correct way of life, thinking and behavior. However, some people think that these ideas are not helpful for young people to prepare for modern life. To what extent do agree or disagree?

In many countries, there is shortage of housing due to growing population. Some people argue that new towns should be built in the country side, others argue for the regeneration of cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the country?

Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.