Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. * Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals believe that
competition
is a good manner to make progress and achievement, while
another group claims that more collaboration is better than competing. In this
essay, I will examine both perspectives and present my view.
On the one hand, proponents of competition
argue that it would be beneficial if people compete in their life special at school and work. In school, it causes children to participate more actively in class and study harder to achieve their goals. Similarly
, In the workplace, it contributes innovative ideas, moreover
, it plays a vital role in getting a promotion and bonuses, as well as
leads to being praised by others. Additionally
, in everyday life, competition
brings advancements in technology because everyone wants to show the best version of their self.
On the other hand
, supporters of cooperation confirm that this
measure can improve the results, for example
, by sharing information with colleagues, mutual assistance, and doing tasks quickly. As a result
, all individuals use their ability to reach efficiency. Resemblance, if students encounter problems, they will use their counterparts’ knowledge to solve them, furthermore
, they help each other to study better, which ends up creating a positive atmosphere, indeed, from their standpoint, blind competition
is not only not effective but also
detrimental.
In my opinion, over-reliance on either competition
or cooperation can have drawbacks. For one, extreme competition
can create a toxic environment. In addition
, it increases the level of stress and can lead to negative effects. For another, collaboration without any competition
may bring a lack of motivation.
In conclusion, being moderate in both cooperation and competition
is more suitable than paying attention to one side. Both of them are so critical for having a better life in different fields.Submitted by sarataklimi89 on
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relevant specific examples
To improve your essay, consider providing more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. For instance, when discussing competition at school, you could mention how academic competitions like science fairs or math olympiads motivate students to excel.
logical structure
While your essay is generally well-structured, the flow between certain paragraphs could be smoother. You may use more transition words or phrases to maintain coherence. For example, use phrases like 'moreover,' 'as a result,' or 'in contrast' to guide readers through your arguments seamlessly.
clear comprehensive ideas
To enhance the clarity of your ideas, avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader. Try to break them down into simpler, more digestible parts. For example, the sentence 'Similarly, In the workplace, it contributes innovative ideas, moreover, it plays a vital role in getting a promotion and bonuses, as well as leads to being praised by others,' could be separated into two or more sentences for better clarity.
complete response
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both perspectives on competition and cooperation, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
You have effectively included an introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay nicely. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
supported main points
The main points of your essay are generally well-supported, making your arguments clear and logical. This strengthens the overall coherence of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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