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Band 2.5

Some people belive that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #belive #community #service #part #school #programs
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is to what extent
students
 of high
school
 ought to
work
 in unpaid
community
service
. Now people beginning to realize that unpaid
community
service
 should be a compulsory part of high
school
 programs. Personally, I tend to think that it will be beneficial for a number of people, who did enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
Firstly
, it is
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why governments
forced
Wrong verb form
force
show examples
students
 to
work
 in
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
service
. What I mean here is that, by making it
consequently
 that
community
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a compulsory part of high
school
 programs, they want us to
work
 for a charity. One of the main reasons behind
that is
teach
Fix the infinitive
to teach
show examples
students
 that, working is not burdensome. A good case in point is our parents
work
 without any break, that youngsters live in prosperity. Working in
community
service
,
students
 can
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 their parents feeling. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, it can
also
 be argued that
while
 working,
scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars
show examples
 took an experience.
That is
 to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
community
 working could be beneficial in the future. Take
for example
, by teaching sports to younger children,
undergraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduates
show examples
 could gain experience as a teacher. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that acquired experience teach scholar of high
school
 to be independent.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Introduction Advice
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that properly addresses the question and states your position clearly. A clear thesis statement should be introduced at the beginning.
Conclusion Advice
The conclusion is too vague and does not summarize the main points or restate your opinion effectively. A stronger conclusion is needed to reinforce your argument.
Coherence Advice
The coherence of your essay is compromised due to the lack of clear progression of ideas. You should structure your essay into clear paragraphs with each paragraph discussing a single topic or point of view.
Cohesion Advice
The essay lacks a range of cohesive devices that are needed to guide the reader through the arguments, such as transition words and phrases.
Task Achievement Advice
It is crucial to fully respond to all parts of the task. The essay should provide a balanced discussion on the reasons for and against making community service compulsory and then give your own perspective.
Idea Development Advice
Your ideas need to be developed more comprehensively with clear explanations and more detailed examples. Expanding on your ideas will allow you to communicate your arguments more effectively.
Example Relevance Advice
Use specific examples to support your points. These examples should be relevant and clearly illustrate the argument you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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