IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that the government should support company like musicians, painters, and poets, while more argue that this is a misuse of funds.

#believe #government #support #company #musicians #painters #poets #misuse #funds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some believe that the government should support
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 like musicians, painters, and poets,
while
Linking Words
 more argue that
this
Linking Words
 is a misuse of funds. Many think that roles are provided with finance by the authorities, but for other people, it is just a waste of money. In
this
Linking Words
 essay will get some ideas for supporting both arguments. There are some advantages to supporting musicians, painters, and
further
Linking Words
 by the state. First of all, the works of characters help people who work under pressure and always get stressed, to get rid of stress. They can forget their problems by listening to music or viewing pictures.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the arts are the best thing that learn and introduce other countries' cultures and history. Because every artist uses their environmental conditions when they produce new works.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a lot of spheres that are more important than arts. The government spends more money on improving educational systems and building some social infrastructure like hospitals, kindergartens, etc. These fields are key parts of the government system, and almost no one gets financial aid for
this
Linking Words
 except for the state.
Also
Linking Words
, improving educational systems and supporting social structures is the main purpose for all developing countries that want to be gigantic. The reason why only the state that can get a good social life for the population becomes developed. In conclusion, there are some advantages and disadvantages to spending money on actors. All governments should choose the way to take into account their own financial conditions.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the argument you intend to support throughout the essay, rather than suggesting you will discuss both sides without taking a stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Structure your essay into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences to improve the logical flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, mention a specific piece of art that has impacted education or healthcare.
Task Achievement
Good introduction of both perspectives regarding government funding for arts versus other sectors. This sets the stage for a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay recognizes multiple viewpoints, a sign of critical thinking and comprehensive understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Attempts to provide a balanced conclusion, considering the financial condition of governments as a deciding factor.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: