IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries paying for things using mobile phones (cell phone ) apps is becoming increasingly common .Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages ?

#countries #phones #cell #phone #apps #development
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With the development of technology, scientists and producers could make modern objects to change the world. One of the important products is the mobile
phone
 which modifies human life.
People
 in some nations use the
apps
 on their handicrafts to do their tasks
such
 as paying bills, booking hotels and so on. There are more benefits than drawbacks to using cell
phone
apps
.
To begin
, in the past
people
 had to go a long way to go to the bank and pay for things
such
 as bills or change their accounts which took so much time and they lost some of their plans. By creating new technology and producing various mobile phones,
people
 can stay at home and do their
work
.
For example
, an accountant who has labour
work
 and does not have extra time to conduct her personal
work
 can use cell
phone
apps
 in order to finish her duty.
In addition
, if individuals use mobile
apps
 to pay for things, we will witness decreased traffic on the streets and
following
this
 decline in pollution which is the best way to survive the environment and wildlife.
Finally
, using mobile applications for conducting our
work
 can provide a situation for some individuals who have
talent
Change the article
the talent
show examples
 to make new programs and create a good job for them.
On the other hand
, even though there are more advantages to using cell
phone
apps
, there is one disadvantage to conducting mobile applications. when pupils decide to stay at home to do their
work
 with handicrafts it can make them isolated humans because they decrease their communication with society which can impact their personalities.
For instance
,
people
 prefer to stay at home or their office to pay bills or shop online so by the time it makes them shy and interval person and they do not like to communicate with others
as a result
 creates an isolated nation. In conclusion,
although
 there is a drawback to using online applications for paying for things, there are more benefits to using them in daily life.
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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure that your points follow a clear and organized progression. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, with sentences logically building upon each other to reinforce the central argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved. Make sure your introduction sets up the purpose of the essay and includes a thesis statement that summarizes the main points. The conclusion should effectively summarize the discussion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points need to be supported with more varied and detailed examples. Providing real-life scenarios or citing credible sources can strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.
task achievement
You have completed the response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of mobile payment apps. Continue practicing to strengthen your ideas further and make sure all parts of the question have been addressed.
task achievement
Strive for ideas that are not only clear but also comprehensive. To improve, provide explanations that demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter. Clarify your ideas by elaborating on them and providing more nuanced discussions.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples are an essential part of the essay to illustrate your points and make them more credible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mobile payments
  • Biometric authentication
  • Transaction costs
  • Budgeting
  • Technological barriers
  • Privacy concerns
  • Data breaches
  • Identity theft
  • Over-reliance
  • Market fragmentation
  • Competing payment apps
  • Financial inclusion
  • Security features
  • User convenience
  • Cashless transactions
  • Digital wallet
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