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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph shows data about the average Saturday sales of two bakeries in London in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the average Saturday sales of two bakeries in London in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#data #saturday #sales #two #bakeries #london #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates information about the average Saturday
sales
Use synonyms
 of two different bakeries Lovely
Loaves
Use synonyms
 and Bernie's Buns in London in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the average number of
items
Use synonyms
 sold in Bernie's Buns experienced a higher amount of
sales
Use synonyms
 than in Lovely
Loaves
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both bakeries had undergone some fluctuations throughout the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items
Use synonyms
 like
cakes
Use synonyms
, cookies, rolls, crisps and doughnuts sold larger in Bernie's Bun than in Lovely
Loaves
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
items
Use synonyms
cakes
Use synonyms
 and cookies crossed above 100 and there was a steady decrease in
sales
Use synonyms
 of rolls around 77
items
Use synonyms
 followed by other
items
Use synonyms
 fresh
loaves
Use synonyms
, toasted sandwiches and salads
ranged
Wrong verb form
ranging
show examples
 from approximately 40,23 and 19
items
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 started to increase with the item crisps of almost 70, there was a massive resurgence of
sales
Use synonyms
 in doughnuts around 135
items
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Lovely
Loaves
Use synonyms
 started with
sales
Use synonyms
 of about 70
cakes
Use synonyms
 and experienced a steady decrease with other
items
Use synonyms
 which included cookies, rolls, fresh
loaves
Use synonyms
 and roasted sandwiches had sold around 75,50,45 and 23
items
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a significant rise in the
sales
Use synonyms
 of salads about 63
items
Use synonyms
 before falling back to crisps decreasing below 50. Even though Lovely
Loaves
Use synonyms
 started with a small amount of
sales
Use synonyms
 with
cakes
Use synonyms
, it somehow managed to make a greater impact by producing doughnuts ranging from about 121
items
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, loaves, items, cakes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • lowest point
  • trend
  • seasonal effects
  • sales performance
  • average sales
  • comparison
  • significant difference
  • influence
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