IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale
To some
people
 spending
governments
Change the noun form
government
show examples
money
 on saving endangered
animals
 is not
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 good idea.
However
, I disagree that it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
. Because, we need to
try
Add the particle
try to
show examples
 save all
gorgeous
Correct article usage
the gorgeous
show examples
 things
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our earth,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we
also
 have a lot of problems
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
side
Correct word choice
other side
show examples
 of our world. In the beginning, I
disagree
Wrong verb form
disagreed
show examples
 that spending
money
 to try to save
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 amount of
animals
, like
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
show examples
 or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
blue
whale
Fix the agreement mistake
whales
show examples
 is now
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 idea and just
wasting
Wrong verb form
a waste
show examples
 of
money
. Because,
nowadays
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments or big companies trying to save endangered
animals
 not only because of their beautiful faces or bodies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but for
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
people
.
For example
, scientists may find ingredients to save
people
 from
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
cancer, yet
this special
Change the determiner
this special animal
these special animals
show examples
animals
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 already cleared by humans, so our government and other companies trying to save all
animals
 that can be endangered by humans. We are the reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 endangering a lot of
animals
, so we need to change it.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 are part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us in the future.
On the other hand
,some
people
 agree with
this
 statement.
Because they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
 want to improve their lifestyle
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
money
 of governments,
while
 others want to attention
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For example
, right now Antarctica is melting and the level of water in
sea
Add an article
the sea
show examples
 is increasing so some
people
 think that it would be better to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our environment. I, of course, accept
this
 idea, but we are already saving and trying to do our best in that way,
while
 only someone thinking about
animals
.
However
, the meaning of
animals
 are very important in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, I would say that we need to think and spend our
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
,
money
 and strength to save our planet,
animals
Correct word choice
and animals
show examples
 from
dangers
Fix the agreement mistake
danger
show examples
. Maybe because of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 helpful
things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
 we can find some healing preparations. It is all
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
possible, so we need to try
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
our best
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should address a single idea with associated examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas clearly using a range of cohesive devices. Phrases like 'furthermore,' 'however,' and 'as a result' help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question throughout, providing a balanced view. Both sides of the argument should be presented with corresponding examples and conclusions.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific details and real-world examples to support your arguments. Avoid making vague statements that do not directly enhance your position.
coherence cohesion
Your writing should be structurally sound with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph must contain a central idea and subsequent sentences should support this idea.
task achievement
Work on the precision of your ideas, ensuring that each paragraph fully elaborates the point it's supposed to convey. Keep your writing focused on the task.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: