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Band 4.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbors. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbors
The
Internet
 has affected so many aspects of human life.
Internet
 could connect
people
 from anywhere and anytime with just a click.
On the other hand
, because of the online presence,
people
 become more strangers to each other in the real world even their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. One thing we could do to alleviate
this
 problem is for the government to encourage
people
 to do more social
activities
 in the
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
. The
Internet
 makes
people
's lives more convenient to the point that
people
 can do anything without leaving the house.
For example
, working from home has become something normal where
people
 are working remotely and collaborating using online platforms
such
 as Zoom or Teams. Some job applications even offer a working-from-home option.
Moreover
, other
activities
besides
 working
such
 as shopping could be done with just a click from our phones.
People
 can buy anything from the
internet
 and even order various services online. All these practical
activities
 limit our time to go outside and decrease the possibility of meeting with our
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. Some
people
 did not even know their
neighbor's
Change the spelling
neighbour's
show examples
 name anymore. One thing that the government could do is to make a social movement. The social program could be as simple as gathering once a month to clean the park. To make an effective impact, the program could be done with the help of the
Internet
.
Firstly
, The government could make an online group for each
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 so the
people
 could know each other.
The next step is
 to announce the
activities
 through
this
 online group and discuss when and how the program will be held.
Submitted by sirendendeago on

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Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay would benefit from improved structuring with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs. You should avoid monolithic blocks of text and use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
A more in-depth conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the significance of the topic would be beneficial. Remember that an effective essay has a clear opening, a well-developed middle, and a conclusive end.
Coherence & Cohesion
You need to ensure that the main points are supported by detailed explanations or specific examples. Aim to develop each idea fully before moving on to the next one, as abrupt transitions can confuse the reader and reduce the overall impact of your essay.
Task Achievement
Regarding task achievement, you should provide a thorough response to all parts of the prompt. Ensure that you address what problems arise from not knowing one's neighbors as well as providing possible solutions to these problems, with each aspect being given sufficient treatment and explanation.
Task Achievement
While your ideas are relevant to the topic, strive for a more comprehensive explanation of them. Expand on your points to show how the problem specifically affects communities and individuals, and how the suggested solutions might realistically be implemented.
Task Achievement
In terms of specific examples, it is important to include real-life instances or hypothetical scenarios that support your arguments. This adds credibility to your essay and helps to illustrate your points in a tangible way. Try to incorporate examples that are both engaging and pertinent to each point you make.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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