IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people say that the main environmental problem is loss of some plants and animals. others say that there are some main enviromntal problems. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #loss #plants #animals
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Nowadays, environmental
issues
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 might be the most critical problems of our lives. Some people believe that
disappearance
Correct article usage
the disappearance
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flora
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of flora
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 and fauna is the most serious problem.
While
Linking Words
 others are you that other environmental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 should be given more importance. I believe that the
loss
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 of plants and animals should be given more attention.
this
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 essay will discuss both
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
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view points
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viewpoints
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 On one hand, some argue that
issues
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 like climate change, pollution, and resource depletion are equally, if not more, critical than the disappearance of plants and animals. These problems have widespread implications for human health, economies, and the planet's stability. Climate change,
for instance
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, affects weather patterns, leading to extreme events like hurricanes and droughts. Pollution threatens clean air and water, impacting human health and
ecosystems
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. Resource depletion,
such
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 as deforestation and overfishing, disrupts the delicate balance of
ecosystems
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 and affects biodiversity.
However
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, focusing solely on these broader environmental
issues
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 might overlook the significance of the
loss
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 of flora and fauna. The extinction of plant and animal
species
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 disrupts
ecosystems
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, leading to imbalances that affect the food chain, pollination, and natural processes. When
species
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 disappear, it can cause a ripple effect, impacting other
species
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 and ultimately threatening the stability of entire
ecosystems
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.
This
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loss
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 of biodiversity not only affects nature itself but
also
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 has implications for human well-being, as we rely on
ecosystems
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 for services like clean water, fertile soil, and climate regulation.
Therefore
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,
while
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 other environmental
issues
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 are undoubtedly pressing concerns, the
loss
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 of plants and animals should not be underestimated. Preserving biodiversity is essential for maintaining a healthy planet. Finding a balance between addressing immediate environmental threats and ensuring the preservation of
species
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 diversity is crucial for long-term sustainability.
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task achievement
To improve your score in task response, ensure that your opinion is clearly presented and consistent throughout the essay. Make certain that the introduction sets up the framework for discussing both views before delineating your perspective. A strong conclusion that summarises the main points and reiterates your stance is also essential.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to link ideas more smoothly. While each paragraph presents a clear main idea, the essay could benefit from better-developed body paragraphs with more distinct topic sentences and a logical progression of thoughts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • habitat destruction
  • conservation
  • sustainable development
  • environmental degradation
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • resource depletion
  • ecological balance
  • endangered species
  • overexploitation
  • deforestation
  • holistic approach
  • interconnected issues
  • comprehensive strategy
  • preservation
  • sustainability
  • environmental advocacy
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