IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufacturered food and drink products contain high lever of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, health risks caused by higher
sugar
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-containing beverages or food have increased a wide concern. Especially, after the development of the food industry, the
price
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 of those
products
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 become more affordable. Even though increasing the cost of those
produce
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 may not be the most effective solution,
this
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 essay aims to support that
this
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 method is reasonable to apply. Increasing the
price
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 of higher
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sugar contained
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sugar-containing
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products
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 would
firstly
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 limit
teenager’s
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teenagers’
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 consumption. It is imaginable that despite teenagers being one of the largest
sugar
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 consumer populations, most of them lack a stable income.
In other words
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, they would not have enough money to buy candy, if it is expensive.
Therefore
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, once we can increase the
price
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 of those
products
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,
this
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 group of people may consume less
due to
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 financial stress.
For instance
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, compared with purchasing candy which may cost $10 or even higher, those kids or juveniles may prefer to save their money.
Additionally
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, even for adults who have a stable income,
reason
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the reason
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 for them to buy
this
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sugar
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 product is because it is usually more economical.
For example
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, the
price
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 of a normal cake would way much cheaper than a whole-grain bread.
As a result
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, once they realise the growth of the prince of that
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sugar contained
Correct your spelling
sugar-containing
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 product, they tend to buy the healthy ones. To illustrate
this
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, rather than pay for a much more expensive Coke, people may tend to buy beverages
such
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 as yoghurt or milk, which would be way more healthy. In conclusion, by limiting the purchase intention, the increased
price
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 of
sugar
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products
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 could both benefit the younger and senior generations. Specifically, in
this
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 situation, teenagers may tend to save money and adults would allocate the budget to healthy food. Both changed
behaviour
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behaviours
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 would lead to less
sugar
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 product consumption.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that directly addresses the question posed. The prompt clearly asks whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Your introduction should include a thesis statement that definitively takes a stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Throughout the essay, consistently develop your main points with supporting details and examples. Each paragraph should focus on one clear idea, and be fully developed with explanations and evidence for your standpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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