Successfai sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Sports
professionals
around the world are seen earning more money than those who work in other important professions.
This
has led some
people
to think is totally unfair,
while
others support them as a source of
on
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apply
show examples
entertainment and they deserve what they are getting. I do feel it is quite fair for them to get more money. In recent
decade
Fix the agreement mistake
decades
show examples
with various developments in the field of technology
sports
professionals
have
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
well known
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well-known
show examples
to the world. Their popularity helped them to earn more
by
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through
show examples
various activities .
For instance
great footballers, on their name lots of advertisements are made and many products can be sold in their name.
This
not only
boost
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boosts
show examples
economy
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the economy
show examples
of a person and country as a whole but
also
entertains millions of
people
around the world.
In
addition
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addition,
show examples
these
sports
individual influence
people
to participate in various
activitis
Correct your spelling
activities
which they are involved in, like playing football or any physical games. When
such
activities spread across the country, it helps in curbing health issues, making
people
live healthier. Considering
such
contributions, it is fair for them to earn
as
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apply
show examples
what they are earning at present and even more.
However
not all
people
have similar
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
, some have an opinion that they should earn as much as
that
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apply
show examples
of
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apply
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other
professionals
like doctors, but not more than that. of they argue, the
sports
people
just waste
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
of those who watch
sports
and their own
time
as well.
Nevertheless
, to give
time
for those entertainment after
longer
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a longer
show examples
period of work in a week and to
reenergise
Correct your spelling
re-energise
for the upcoming schedule. It offers
time
to relax rather than a waste of
time
.
To conclude
my waiting, I
optimistic
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am optimistic
show examples
towards the
sports
professionals
who
earns
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earn
show examples
much more than those with equivalent
professionals
. They deserve it as they serve the society in their own way.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion in this essay are not distinct and clearly defined.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This essay lacks connective words and phrases that guide the reader through the arguments coherently.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points fully with elaborated arguments and relevant examples. This essay presents ideas but often fails to support them adequately.
task achievement
Make sure to address the prompt completely. The essay only partially covers both views and the candidate's own opinion is not clear.
task achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas. Your arguments are not fully developed and sometimes veer off-topic.
task achievement
Include specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic, they help strengthen your argument. The examples provided are general and lack specificity.

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