Successfai sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sports
professionals
around the world are seen earning more money than those who work in other important professions. This
has led some people
to think is totally unfair, while
others support them as a source of on
entertainment and they deserve what they are getting. I do feel it is quite fair for them to get more money.
In recent Change preposition
apply
decade
with various developments in the field of technology Fix the agreement mistake
decades
sports
professionals
have became
Wrong verb form
become
well known
to the world. Their popularity helped them to earn more Add a hyphen
well-known
by
various activities . Change preposition
through
For instance
great footballers, on their name lots of advertisements are made and many products can be sold in their name. This
not only boost
Change the verb form
boosts
economy
of a person and country as a whole but Add an article
the economy
also
entertains millions of people
around the world. In
addition
these Add a comma
addition,
sports
individual influence people
to participate in various activitis
which they are involved in, like playing football or any physical games. When Correct your spelling
activities
such
activities spread across the country, it helps in curbing health issues, making people
live healthier. Considering such
contributions, it is fair for them to earn as
what they are earning at present and even more.
Change preposition
apply
However
not all people
have similar thought
, some have an opinion that they should earn as much as Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
other Change preposition
apply
professionals
like doctors, but not more than that. of they argue, the sports
people
just waste time
of those who watch Correct article usage
the time
sports
and their own time
as well. Nevertheless
, to give time
for those entertainment after longer
period of work in a week and to Add an article
a longer
reenergise
for the upcoming schedule. It offers Correct your spelling
re-energise
time
to relax rather than a waste of time
.
To conclude
my waiting, I optimistic
towards the Add a missing verb
am optimistic
sports
professionals
who earns
much more than those with equivalent Change the verb form
earn
professionals
. They deserve it as they serve the society in their own way.Submitted by rinchennima77 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion in this essay are not distinct and clearly defined.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This essay lacks connective words and phrases that guide the reader through the arguments coherently.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points fully with elaborated arguments and relevant examples. This essay presents ideas but often fails to support them adequately.
task achievement
Make sure to address the prompt completely. The essay only partially covers both views and the candidate's own opinion is not clear.
task achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas. Your arguments are not fully developed and sometimes veer off-topic.
task achievement
Include specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic, they help strengthen your argument. The examples provided are general and lack specificity.