Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists

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There is ongoing debate regarding whether the people contributing to the

field

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of technological advancement are more valuable than the traditional artists. From my perspective, it's essential to focus on the issue of human welfare nowadays. What is alarming is that the advancement

also

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brings some negative side effects

such

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as environmental pollution and human rights suppression. I think those are the most pressing topics brought on by contemporary development and need to be resolved by scientists. With the availability of the internet, we can comfortably acquire the resources and publish our own works online. In general aspect, everyone can be an artist in the music industry or an expert in painting.

This

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situation indicates the inflation in the value of the art

field

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. In conclusion, it's obvious that the experts in the scientific

field

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are more paramount than the art

field

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. The cost of becoming an artist is too low now and I believe that will be more intensive in the future. If we evaluate the advanced progress in the present, it's imperative that

this

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society needs more scientists to secure human welfare once we encounter harsh issues.

Submitted by seanlin12345 on Sat Dec 02 2023

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task achievement

Your essay lacks clear development of ideas and examples that are directly relevant to the question. There are broad statements made about the value of scientists and artists without a nuanced examination or specific instances to substantiate claims.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, the points within the body paragraphs are not adequately elaborated upon. Including more detailed examples could improve this.

task achievement

In order to achieve a higher score, ensure that your ideas are fully expanded upon with clear examples and explanations. Your introduction should more clearly state your position and set the stage for the discussion to follow.

coherence cohesion

Coherence could be improved by creating clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and transitional phrases to show the relationship between ideas.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score in coherence, consider better structuring your essay. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and a clear central topic which is developed. Cohesion can come from well-planned paragraphs where the content logically follows on from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

189 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

valued
modern society
scientists
technology experts
musicians
artists
reliance
scientific advancements
practical benefits
driving economic growth
daily lives
culture
human emotions
express ideas
provoke thought
spiritual well-being
emotional well-being
preserving cultural heritage
subjective nature
diversity

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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this view?

Children do not respect their parents as much as they did in the past. This behavior is now having a negative impact on society.to what extent do you agree?

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?