Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists

There is ongoing debate regarding whether the people contributing to the

field

of technological advancement are more valuable than the traditional artists. From my perspective, it's essential to focus on the issue of human welfare nowadays. What is alarming is that the advancement

also

brings some negative side effects

such

as environmental pollution and human rights suppression. I think those are the most pressing topics brought on by contemporary development and need to be resolved by scientists. With the availability of the internet, we can comfortably acquire the resources and publish our own works online. In general aspect, everyone can be an artist in the music industry or an expert in painting.

This

situation indicates the inflation in the value of the art

field

. In conclusion, it's obvious that the experts in the scientific

field

are more paramount than the art

field

. The cost of becoming an artist is too low now and I believe that will be more intensive in the future. If we evaluate the advanced progress in the present, it's imperative that

this

society needs more scientists to secure human welfare once we encounter harsh issues.

Submitted by seanlin12345 on Sat Dec 02 2023

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task achievement

Your essay lacks clear development of ideas and examples that are directly relevant to the question. There are broad statements made about the value of scientists and artists without a nuanced examination or specific instances to substantiate claims.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, the points within the body paragraphs are not adequately elaborated upon. Including more detailed examples could improve this.

task achievement

In order to achieve a higher score, ensure that your ideas are fully expanded upon with clear examples and explanations. Your introduction should more clearly state your position and set the stage for the discussion to follow.

coherence cohesion

Coherence could be improved by creating clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and transitional phrases to show the relationship between ideas.

coherence cohesion

For a higher score in coherence, consider better structuring your essay. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and a clear central topic which is developed. Cohesion can come from well-planned paragraphs where the content logically follows on from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

189 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

valued
modern society
scientists
technology experts
musicians
artists
reliance
scientific advancements
practical benefits
driving economic growth
daily lives
culture
human emotions
express ideas
provoke thought
spiritual well-being
emotional well-being
preserving cultural heritage
subjective nature
diversity

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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become teachers. Why do young people not want to be teachers? How could this be changed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In many countries, although people work hard throughout their lives, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement issue and suggest possible solutions.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement? You should write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.