Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals

There is ongoing debate regarding whether people should focus on the part of an environmental issue like preventing the extinction of specific creatures first. From my perspective, It is

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

imperative that we

should

Verb problem

apply

show examples

dedicate

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves to

show examples

the survival problem of human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

. In

this

highly materialistic society, what is obvious is that human has dominated the Earth for a long time. Since the industrial revolution, everything we have done to

this

planet is

irreversable

Correct your spelling

irreversible

. Once we walk on

this

path, human

being

Change the noun form

beings

show examples

are the destroyer and the

savior

Change the spelling

saviour

show examples

as well.

For instance

, If we concentrate on addressing the issue of saving

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

endangered species, it could consume tons of

resource

Fix the agreement mistake

resources

show examples

that we can make the best use of the human problem.

As a consequence

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

will die out and those creatures will face the same adversity.

On the contrary

, if we fix the

human's

Change noun form

human

show examples

survival problem

such

as recovering where human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

lives

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

, we would have the potential to develop

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advanced technology. With the

widely

Change the word

wide

show examples

availibility

Correct your spelling

availability

this

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

can truly impact

Change preposition

apply

show examples

every aspect of the Earth positively. In terms of the big picture, It is believed that increasing the advancement of human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

allow

Wrong verb form

allows

show examples

the contemporary

evironment

Correct your spelling

environment

having

Change the verb form

to have

show examples

more ways out. In conclusion, it is evident that there is indeed a more

cirtical

Correct your spelling

crucial

issue than preventing the other animal

disappearing

Change preposition

from disappearing

show examples

. The only method is that

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

have to exist so that

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

will be able to fix the disaster.

Submitted by seanlin12345 on Sat Dec 02 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

Task Response: The essay fails to adequately address both views stated in the prompt before giving your own opinion. The argument presented is also one-sided and lacks a fully developed response that encompases a wider range of issues as suggested by the topic. To improve, ensure that you discuss both sides comprehensively, and provide a balanced opinion before concluding with your own viewpoint.

Coherence & Cohesion

Coherence & Cohesion: The essay lacks clear, logical progression of ideas. Paragraphing needs to be reviewed--ideas should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a central theme. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help your argument flow more naturally. Aim to include an introduction that clearly states the topic and your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that explore each view, and conclude with a summary that restates your opinion.

Task Achievement

Providing concrete, relevant examples to support your points is crucial and currently lacking in this essay. Develop your argument with specific examples from real-life situations, studies, or experiences that support your viewpoint. Examples should be directly related to the points you're making and enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

biodiversity
extinction
habitat loss
ecosystem
food chain
imbalance
interconnected
climate change
pollution
personal actions
policy changes
education
awareness

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?
A significant number of people out there hold the perception that the habits of some people have changed sharply and as a result, it has a negative impact on family friendships. This essay shall discuss the merits and the demerits of this situation and further bring to bear the reasons why the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in the following paragraphs after which a logical conclusion will be drawn.
7
band
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is argued that adolescence years are the happiest years in one’s life, while others believe that adulthood is the most joyful phase to live despite having bigger responsibilities. This essay believes that, although adolescents are free of responsibilities, adults enjoy their lives more because they are free to make their own choices.
6.5
band
28.Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The prevalence of computers and mobile phones has changed the way in which young people communicate with each other. Personally, I believe that these technologies do not have a wholly negative impact on their reading and writing skills. Rather, the effect depends on the way they are used and the context in which they are employed.
5.5
band
Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Even though smoking is fashionable among the young and old today, it has detrimental effects on society. Smoking in public has a negative impact on the health of smokers, and those around them, not only that but also, on the economy of the country. Therefore, I wholeheartedly agree with banning smoking in open spaces.
5.5
band
Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Music has played a pivotal role throughout our history. However, there are mixed opinions about its significance, as many believe it to be a boon for humankind, while others consider it as a curse. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and give my personal opinion on the subject matter. Firstly, I will explain how music has helped in transformation of our society and secondly, I will write down the negative influences of the same.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

28.Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.