IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that there could be more benefits to society if more people study business than history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #study #business #history
Study
Replace the word
Studying
show examples
business
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
advantanges
Correct your spelling
advantages
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 history.
There
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 many
people
choises
Correct your spelling
choose
business
 subjects
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 there are have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. As can be seen, nowadays the
business
 has grown
signifantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 than before. Developt of
ecomomy
Correct your spelling
economy
 has
grow
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
 significantly in
this
 era than before. Majorities
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
business
 subjects
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 there are many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
. Become
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
bussinessman
Correct your spelling
businessman
, you will know about
marcet
Correct your spelling
market
 places needed.
Study
Replace the word
Studying
show examples
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 can
make
Verb problem
give
show examples
 you
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
broad
knownledges
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowledges
 about
Add an article
the fund
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and marcket
show examples
marcket
Correct your spelling
market
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
, and you have wide networks.
These day
Change the determiner
This day
These days
show examples
 a lot of industries need
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have good qualities in
business
 to
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
sell
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
products.
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
background
Add an article
a background
show examples
 in
business
 there are many advantages,
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 in government, private industries or advertising they need
business
empoyee
Correct your spelling
employees
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
arranges
Wrong verb form
arrange
show examples
business
 or economy .
Business
couses
Correct your spelling
courses
 has
importen
Correct your spelling
important
 thing in
this
 era, if you have broad networking in
business
, it will
easy
Add a missing verb
be easy
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 you to sell your products,
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 you know many
people
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 side.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 you have a lot of
experiented
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
 in the world of work. You can be
Correct article usage
an interprener
show examples
interprener
Correct your spelling
interpreter
 and can earn money,
then
 make
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
offer
Fix the agreement mistake
offers
show examples
 to many
people
, so you can help
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to
provided
Change the verb
provide
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 to others. In conclusion, there are more benefits to society if
people
 study
business
,
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 their
knowndledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 will be broad in
business
indutries
Correct your spelling
industries
, they
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 the
stategy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 to
sales
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 the products by
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 their
experintend
Correct your spelling
experienced
 and networking and can
provided
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
worke
Correct your spelling
work
 places to
people
 does have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 job before.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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