The effect of social sites to individual and population
Social media has a massive effect on a large population, either specific for personal or group of people, and could cause a positive or negative impact, which most citizens think
so
. In my opinion, I do believe that Rephrase
apply
the
community Correct article usage
apply
platforms
can deliver lots of advantages to human kind
, Correct your spelling
humankind
thus
I will elaborate why
.
Nowadays, Change preposition
on why
adoption
of any technology enters our life, including how we connect to other people through any social Correct article usage
the adoption
platforms
such
as Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok
and many more. Recently, the Correct your spelling
TikTok
platforms
are not only being used to share any wonderful moments in life, the high
tech Correct word choice
apply
platforms
also
become a media to seek for
money, jobs and hobbies. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, during pandemic
when people used to only Add an article
a pandemic
stayed
at home, Change the form of the verb
stay
the
online sites Correct article usage
apply
become
a media to sell Wrong verb form
became
any
products, Correct quantifier usage
apply
to
express any hobbies, Fix the infinitive
apply
such
as singing, podcast, and more, and open wide
range of Correct article usage
a wide
opportunity
to get a job like Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
influencer
, video/photo editor and even caption editor. Change the article
an influencer
This
makes the concept of digital
economy Correct article usage
a digital
become
faster than expected.
Verb problem
apply
On the other hand
, it is opening vast opportunities to get any kind of information and news immediately, from all around the world. The citizen will know about what is happening in the UK in near real time
, Add a hyphen
real-time
as well as
can be a source of any professional matters, for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
learn
about IELTS through social Wrong verb form
learning
platforms
.
Finally
, I don’t fully agree with the opinion regarding the negativity of social sites, because there are many chances and advantages of the community platform. However
, we need the Government to strictly regulate this
innovation due to
there are also
many detrimental effects of the community interaction tools.Submitted by yghome281020 on
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coherence cohesion
You should develop a more coherent structure with clear introductory sentences for each paragraph to establish the topic and the line of argument. Additionally, ensure that the concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your points, rather than introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Attend to the task of discussing both the positive and negative aspects in equal measure. While your essay reflects a clear personal standpoint, you should also include specific examples to illustrate the negative effects of social media to provide a balanced argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
