Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In today's evolving world,
health
plays a significant role in everyone's lives. Therefore
, many kinds of treatment are available nowadays, including traditional methods of healthcare as well as
alternative
medicine
. It is argued that,
the number of people who try Remove the comma
apply
alternative
treatments instead
of visiting their usual doctor is increasing. Although
this
action presents some advantages, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are far greater.
There are some drawbacks of alternative
medicine
. First of all, this
type of treatment is not scientifically proven and this
one does not provide complete recovery. Although
alternative
methods have gained popularity in society, they can be harmful and even wrong. One of the main causes of this
can be artificial professionals who offer their services. This
situation is made worse because individuals do not verify them. As a result
, their health
problems tend to get worse. Good examples include paramedics in
the mass starvation time in the Kazakh steppe who came in the yurts but did not provide substantial recovery.
Despite Change preposition
during
this
, there are several advantages to avoiding regular doctors. Personally, I think that the health
system should be free but there are some countries that encourage paid-for recoveries. Moreover
, hospitals are often overcrowded and the queues tend to be large, but there are no policies regarding this
issue. Another benefit of alternative
medicine
is accessibility, which is at home. In other words
, you should not go to the crowded hospitals and wait. In my opinion, alternative
treatment is more effective in terms of providing a healthy lifestyle. For example
, acupuncture which was very popular in China in the last
decade can positively affect blood circulation as well as
remove muscle tension.
In conclusion, the public health
system should be improved. As a result
, alternative
medicine
will be less competitive, which lead to the popularity of regular doctors. Yet, alternative
treatments present more disadvantages than benefits, but they can change in the future as well as
an overall
health
system, where there will be some innovative policies.Submitted by ielts8bandplus on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
It's essential to maintain a consistent argument throughout the essay. While your introduction sets up a clear standpoint, the subsequent paragraphs seem to alternate between supporting and critiquing alternative medicines. Decide on a clear stance and support it throughout.
coherence cohesion
Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide your reader through your argument. This will enhance the clarity with which you present your ideas.
task achievement
Be cautious with generalizations and unverified claims, such as stating alternative treatments 'do not provide complete recovery'. Such statements require evidential support.
task achievement
Examples used should be relevant and used to directly support your argument. Ensure that your examples are specific and clearly connected to the point you are making.
coherence cohesion
In developing paragraphs, aim for a more balanced approach by discussing both sides of the argument while maintaining your own position. This shows a depth of understanding and the ability to evaluate both sides of an issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions and linking phrases, as they can help with the flow of your essay and signal the relation between sentences and ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences. Using a variety of complex grammatical structures accurately will help to convey your points more effectively.