IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Government
Use synonyms
 jobs carry with them serious responsibilities. It is
therefore
Linking Words
 no surprise that a person’s age and
experience
Use synonyms
 come under scrutiny when
positions
Use synonyms
 in
government
Use synonyms
 need to be filled. Many feel influential
government
Use synonyms
 jobs should be reversed for those who are older and have more
experience
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others feel the same criterion for those
positions
Use synonyms
 should be capability, namely whomever is most able to carry out the job.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at both sides drawing a logical conclusion. On the one hand, many argue that younger people should be made ineligible for important
government
Use synonyms
positions
Use synonyms
, and the implications of
this
Linking Words
 opinion are clear. Those operating at senior levels within a country’s military,
for example
Linking Words
, require field
experience
Use synonyms
 to prevent disastrous decisions that could cause the needless loss of life. Were younger people allowed to fast-track their ascension within a country’s military, they could find themselves having to make critical choices based on theoretical study
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 practical
experience
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 could have catastrophic results.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is understandable why many feel younger
government
Use synonyms
 workers should be incubated to important
positions
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are several plausible counters to
this
Linking Words
 argument. For one, younger workers bring creativity and fresh ideas to
government
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, young
government
Use synonyms
 workers in Canada successfully pushed to increase HIV understanding and dispel stigmas attached to the disease in the 1980s, a development that encouraged tolerance and reduced irrational fear.
In addition
Linking Words
 to fresh ideas, it should be remembered that to get a
government
Use synonyms
 job, one has to successfully
engagein
Correct your spelling
engage in
engage
arigorous
Correct your spelling
a rigorous
rigorous
 screening process. If a younger person engages in
this
Linking Words
 process as well or better than an older person, it is hard to argue that age should be a decisive factor when offering employment.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 these reasons that there is merit to awarding important
government
Use synonyms
 career options to younger people.
Although
Linking Words
 the above look reveals solid evidence for both sides of the argument, it is felt that the healthiest approach to designating
government
Use synonyms
positions
Use synonyms
 is to ensure candidates fulfil rigorous training programs.
Thus
Linking Words
, a person’s age should not be considered a universal precursor to the awarding of
government
Use synonyms
 jobs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction sets the tone for the rest of your essay by introducing the topic clearly and stating your position succinctly. Your conclusion should effectively summarize the main points without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay close attention to paragraphing; each paragraph should contain one main idea and be clearly separated from the next. Transition words and phrases should help the flow of ideas from one paragraph to another.
Task Achievement
Be sure to address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of both views followed by your own opinion. Make sure that the answer is complete and that you provide a conclusion that reflects your opinion.
Task Achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas that are well-developed and supported by specific examples or explanations, as relevance to the task is critical for a high score.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • far-reaching consequences
  • life and professional experience
  • judicious policymaking
  • fresh perspectives
  • stagnant systems
  • progressive and inclusive policies
  • political acumen
  • ineffective governance
  • demographic
  • long-term planning
  • authoritative presence
  • manipulation
  • seasoned politicians
  • adaptable
  • open-minded
  • flexibility in problem-solving
What to do next:
Look at other essays: