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Band 4.5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own countries. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relavant evidence

#students #university #study #countries #opportunities #development #support #arguments #relavant #evidence
The development of education nowadays has influenced college
students
 to
study
 abroad rather than in their own nation.
This
 essay will discuss the advantages and the disadvantages. The essay will first demonstrate that overseas
study
 will give the
students
 a chance to explore
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new experience, followed by
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 position of
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the primary disadvantage, sacrificing in few aspects just to
study
 outside the country. The main reason is to let
students
 explore for a new experience that
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the chance for them to get new perspectives.
Moreover
, the new perspectives lead them to more open-minded thinking. Other than that,
students
 can
also
 get exposed to different cultures from around the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 them to be more
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
show examples
 in many ways .
For example
,
students
 who have studied abroad before have a wider opinion and perspective compared to
students
 who have not
study
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
 outside the nation Those opposed to
this
 say that
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 abroad
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 a lot of sacrifice for
students
.
First,
they have to be willing to be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a distance with their family. And
then
, studying overseas
also
 needs more money rather than enrolling on school in their own country.
For instance
, the tuition fee for enrolling in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
U.S
Correct your spelling
U.S.
 undergraduate schools are significantly 10x higher than the tuition fee for attending Southeast Asia schools. In conclusion, the advantage of studying overseas is the opportunity for
students
 to get new experiences whilst on the other side, the disadvantage, requires
students
 to sacrifice many things during that period.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides a basic structure, but it lacks clarity in the introduction and conclusion. For a higher score, make sure your thesis statement clearly sets out the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss and that your conclusion summarily reaffirms your main points.
logical structure
To improve coherence, focus on creating well-developed paragraphs with clear topic sentences that are elaborated on throughout the paragraph. Transitions between ideas could be smoother and more logical. Utilize linking phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
supported main points
While you have touched on some examples, they are too general. Refer to specific, detailed examples to better support your arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic. Vague references weaken the overall impact of your main points.
complete response
You have addressed the task but need to ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered. Expand on the advantages and disadvantages by providing more detailed exposition and a balanced argument. Your ideas should be thoroughly explored and not merely stated.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they could be more effectively communicated through comprehensive and in-depth discussion. Improve your essay by ensuring that each paragraph fully develops an idea related to the question, which is then supported by examples and analysis.
relevant specific examples
The essay would greatly benefit from specific real-world examples and evidence to support the claims made. General assertions need to be backed up with precise and relevant examples to strengthen your argument and display a deep understanding of the topic. Adding facts or statistics could also enhance credibility.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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