IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Researches shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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On
Change preposition
In
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 the contemporary era, humans achieve numerous progresses in disparate
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
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. One of the most significant inventions of scientists is the
internet
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. These days, we are obsessed with the
internet
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 and if we do not have access to it for a couple of hours, our entire life will be irregular. The main question that should be asked is whether
Linking Words
this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
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beneficial
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is beneficial
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 for
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 race or not
?
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.
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 It is an undeniable fact that
human
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humans
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 have to work on something every second. In past centuries, people used to work
hardly
Change the word
hard
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 to provide
their
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for their
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 family's
need
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needs
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;
such
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 as cutting wood,
butchering
Correct word choice
and butchering
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. Unlike those days,
due to
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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle, individuals are spending their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 differently;
for instance
Linking Words
, they surf on the
internet
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 or chat with their
acquiantances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
 via the
internet
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. The
internet
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 brings a wide
ranges
Correct the article-noun agreement
range
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 of variety for modern life;
for example
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, during the pandemic of Covid-19, people had an interaction with their relatives via social media like Skype or Telegram applications.
Moreover
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, students can learn their lessons more profoundly when they are in their
home
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homes
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 and study online.
Further
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, the
internet
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 is an inseparable element of knowledge these days. If you want to acquire an article or even a book, you can just search it on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Google and find it easily. On the flip side, some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 believe that we should not neglect the cons of the
internet
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. Obesity and lack of strength are just two simple samples of the drawbacks. Children and juveniles are not as active as before
due to
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this
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 matter and they are just sitting at home
while
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 playing video games and watching movies. They interpret that in their time, childhood was completely different from
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 era, so they are protesting
to
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apply
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this
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.
Overall
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, despite all the disadvantages of the
ineternet
Correct your spelling
Internet
 in our daily life, it is an important part of
modern
Add an article
a modern
the modern
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 that should not be deleted because of its
teremendous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 influence
for
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on
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 humankind.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Both should be distinct sections which serve to frame your essay effectively. Your introduction did not clearly define the topic or your position on it, and there was no clear conclusion summarizing your stance or findings.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ideas should flow in a clear and logical order, with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next. Try to use cohesive devices such as linking words or phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Expand on and support your main points with concrete examples or data. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader. Your essay lacked relevant examples to illustrate the points you were making.
task achievement
Address the task directly and make sure your response covers all parts of the prompt fully. The question asked whether the advantages of the phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages, which requires a comparative analysis that was not sufficiently clear in your essay.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and comprehensive. Avoid overly complex sentences or vague statements that may confuse the reader. Strive to be concise and precise in expressing your thoughts.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to back up your ideas. In each body paragraph, try to use real-life instances or hypothetical cases that directly relate to the point you are making. Your examples were too general and did not effectively support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual collaboration
  • webinar
  • teleconferencing
  • synchronous/asynchronous
  • connectivity
  • cybersecurity
  • remote workforce
  • digital divide
  • user interface
  • bandwidth
  • cloud storage
  • video conferencing
  • e-learning
  • webcast
  • online etiquette
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