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Band 4.5

Nowadays teenagers are suffering from a lot of pressure. Write an essay of about 250 words to list the causes of teen pressure and give solutions to overcome ?

#teenagers #pressure #list
There is a common belief that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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suffer from a lot of
pressure
. In my opinion, teenager
pressure
are
Change the verb form
is
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 the
caused
Replace the word
cause
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 of school life and family.
This
 essay will discuss the causes of teen
pressure
 and give some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to
overcome
Correct pronoun usage
overcome it
show examples
. There are two main reasons why youths these days
under
Add a missing verb
are under
show examples
 too much
pressure
. One of the main
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of
this
 issue is that
schools
, where they study
hus
Correct your spelling
have
 too much violence which
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
students
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
 and
mental
Change the word
mentally
show examples
.
In other words
, at
schools
,
bulliers
Correct your spelling
bullies
show examples
 can hit or close to the bone the
students
 who
is
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are
show examples
 lack
of
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apply
show examples
money, ugly and do not have enough
parents
.
This
 can make teenagers feel embarrassed and depressed about themselves.
Furthermore
, a lot of
parents
 are
force
Wrong verb form
forced
show examples
 the offerings
follow
Add the particle
to follow
show examples
 their
uncomplete
Correct your spelling
incomplete
show examples
 dreams. It is explained that
,
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apply
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 some
teenager
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teenagers
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are not allow
Change the verb form
are not allowed
are not allowing
show examples
 to carry on their dream job or their life,
parents
 will put them in the place the
parents
 want.
This
 makes the youngsters feel unfreedom and
conffuse
Correct your spelling
confused
confuse
 about their future. There are a number of feasible measures that can be taken to solve the problem caused by
schools
 and
parents
.
To begin
 with,
schools
 and districts should protect the victims of school, bullies by
make
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making
show examples
a strict rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
strict rules
a strict rule
show examples
 at
schools
,
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apply
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 or encouraging
students
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 braved to against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad people and tell their problems. A second measure of
this
 problem would be that youths should tell their
parents
 that they don’t like that
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
. Share your favourite jobs which can help you obtain
the
Change the word
your
show examples
 dream in the future. These types of solutions can help
students
be relax
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relax
show examples
 more and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pressure
. In conclusion, the reason why teenagers nowadays are under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the
schools
Change noun form
school's
schools'
show examples
 and
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 expectations. But
this
 problem can be solved by protecting the learners from bullies and
parents
empathized
Wrong verb form
empathising
show examples
.
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider developing a clearer organizational pattern with well-defined paragraphs that each focus on a specific point. Your essay should logically progress from introduction to body paragraphs, and finally a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on the clarity of your main points. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and subsequent sentences that elaborate on that point. Avoid presenting multiple ideas in one paragraph without adequate elaboration.
task achievement
Make sure to fully answer all parts of the prompt. Your task response lacked substantial development on the given topic, especially the solutions to the problems addressed. Expand your ideas in greater depth with detailed examples and explanations for maximum effectiveness.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. Your essay had a shortage of concrete examples that could substantiate your arguments. This addition can greatly enhance the persuasiveness and relevance of your essay.
task achievement
Aim to enhance the clarity and coherence of your ideas. While you provided some examples, they were not entirely convincing or clearly related to the points made. Ensure a direct link between your examples and your main argument for greater impact.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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