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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists, other people believes that it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #machines #tourists #world
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Nowadays, the conservation of traditional cultures has become a heated topic across the world, particularly around how to prevent the
traditions
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 from disappearing.
While
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 some argue that commercialising these cultural norms is the only means, others believe that they should not be exploited as money-making tools. From my perspective, both arguments have some valid points and we should enable a balanced approach to protect our cultural relics. First and foremost, using these cultural heritages as devices for tourism does bring some great benefits.
This
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 is because tourism can provide the financial resources needed for the preservation of these
traditions
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. There are many living examples in China, showcasing how tourism helps leverage the funding gap in promoting cultural practices.
For example
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, a lot of foreigners are attracted to Shaolin Temple to watch Shaolin Gong Fu performances. The income from the ticketing provides support to students in local Gong Fu training institutions,
thus
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 reducing its risk of disappearing.
Therefore
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, it is obvious that
this
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 way of conservation is indeed beneficial.
However
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, there are some drawbacks to
this
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 approach as well, which should not be overlooked.
This
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 is because it might shift the focus from protecting cultural norms to purposely advertising to gain more money.
As a result
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, institutions or companies may manipulate the practices to meet the preferences of tourists,
thus
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 losing the authenticity of these
traditions
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.
This
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 has a detrimental impact on these
traditions
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 as the original version gets ignored and forgotten by the public.
Accordingly
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, we acknowledge the importance of having an ethical practice when we commodify
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional norms. In summary, preserving our cultural customs is a tough challenge for any nation or community. It is significant for us to recognise the benefit of utilising the tradition to raise financial support for conservation works,
while
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 at the same time, the authentic practices should be preserved. Only by having
such
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 a balanced method are we able to effectively and ethically pass on our
traditions
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 to emerging generations.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument equally to present a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the Shaolin Temple, effectively supports the arguments presented.
Task Achievement
The ideas are presented clearly and comprehensively, making them easy to understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural commodification
  • Authenticity
  • Economic gain
  • Cultural significance
  • Preservation
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Financial resources
  • Cultural heritage
  • Cultural pride
  • Tourist interest
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