IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays teenagers are suffering from a lot of pressure. Write an essay of about 250 words to list the cause of teen pressure and give solutions.

#teenagers #pressure #list
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In the modern world, the youth has to suffer from a lot of
pressure
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.
This
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 essay will outline a number of reasons for
this
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 trend and some possible solutions to help tackle
this
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 issue. The problem of suffering from much
pressure
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of
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from
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 youngsters is attributed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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various factors. One main cause of the issue is that parents put high expectations
in
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on
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 their
offsprings
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offspring
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.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that when seeing other kids who are in the same age group
with
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as
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 their kids and they get good marks or achieve many outstanding achievements
such
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 as scholarships or awards, after that they will complain
their
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to their
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 son or daughter and force them to learn hard to be equal to these others.
As a result
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,
this
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 will lead to a large amount of
pressure
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 on them, I mean
everyday
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every day
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, teenagers have to think
that
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about
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 how to get good marks or get scholarships.
According to
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 a recent survey from many Australian researchers, more than 50% of students in Viet Nam nowadays have
depressions
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depression
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 because of
undering
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undergoing
 a lot of academic
pressure
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 from family.
In addition
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, they are often influenced in their
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 by others in the same age group and
this
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 lead to peer
pressure
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.
This
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 can be understood by the fact that when living
ot
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or
 studying in bad conditions, I mean, when hanging around with
wrong
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the wrong
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 crowd, young people are
easuily
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easily
 egged on to engage in inappropriate
beheviors
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behaviours
behaviour
such
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 as smoking or liquor
consumptions
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consumption
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.
As a result
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, they might attempt to bring
consequnces
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consequences
 upon themselves by dropping out of school or even taking drugs.
According to
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recent
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a recent
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 survey from many American researchers, more than 50% of young people are gradually dropping out of school because of hanging out with bad people.
However
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, there are a number of solutions to tackle
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, parents shouldn’t put high
expactations
Correct your spelling
expectations
 on their kids.
Instead
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 of scolding, they should
advice
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advise
show examples
,
think
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and think
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 simply.
This
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 will help their children feel
more
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apply
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happier and will have a large amount of energy to study in a more progressive way.
Furthermore
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, parents should teach them social skills, distinguish between right and wrong and give many examples of
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the consequnces
show examples
consequnces
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of heavy smoking and drinking to help them prevent social evils. In conclusion, there are many contributors to the problem and several measures are suggested to
be
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apply
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put an end to the situation.
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

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structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, where each part has a distinct purpose. The introduction should set the topic and outline the essay structure. The body paragraphs should develop the main points, and the conclusion should summarize the arguments and restate your position clearly without introducing new ideas.
support
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Each paragraph should center around one main idea with adequate support through explanations, examples, or evidence. Avoid making multiple points in one paragraph without proper development.
cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of information. Use cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs, and make sure there's a clear progression of ideas, ensuring each paragraph naturally leads to the next.
examples
Avoid overgeneralization. Provide specific, relevant examples and explain how they support your main points. This makes your argument more convincing and gives your essay more depth.
task response
Address the task's requirements fully. Respond to all parts of the prompt, and ensure you provide a clear opinion or solution to the problem presented. Partially answered questions will affect your score negatively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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