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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance
The bar chart illustrates the results of a survey and what kind of factors affect work performance.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the young people aged between 18 and 30 are concerned about the reasons, which are related to
job
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jobs
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 whether can get a higher position or better development, relaxed work surroundings and gain more income over 60%.
To begin
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 with, at the age of 18 to 30, the chance for individual advancement is the highest rating, which is around 90%,
while
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 the percentage of work environment is the latest similar in the range of 45 to 60, which is only 30%.
In addition
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, team spirit is
also
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 the same rate in the two groups, which is twice the number of the environment of the occupation.
On the other hand
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, older people mainly care about whether they can make more money at 70%.
However
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, job security is less
influences
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influence
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 for them, which is only 20%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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