Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sports
is mentioned in these days world as a pivotal factor to not only human's mental and physical health,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their relationships when taking part in as a team
. Nevertheless
, others argue that individuals
Change the noun form
individual
sports
will bring them more beneficial
the mentioned one. In Replace the word
benefits than
this
essay, I will analyse both of their opinions, as well as
give my own suggestion, since I believe that team
sports
are able to offer a
better results for us.
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
To begin
with, the bulk of people
boost their teamwork abilities through these outside activities, which allow them to communicate, discuss and practice in a group of people
. Furthermore
, new relationships can be formed in the process of enjoying their common interests, as a result
, humans may learn something useful from each other and widen their knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
for
both hobbies and other life aspects. If Change preposition
of
people
had an opportunity to spend qualified time together after a long day hard
Change preposition
of hard
working
, it would be Replace the word
work
a
right circumstance for them to foster Correct article usage
the
affections
, which could Fix the agreement mistake
affection
be
lost in the past. Wrong verb form
have been
In addition
, team
sports
are also
able to recover human's
energy and happiness, making extroverts feel more Change noun form
human
relaxing
Replace the word
relaxed
as well as
relieving stress from work and study.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that the
society Correct article usage
apply
is tend
to focus deeper on their own Change the verb form
tends
favorites
when doing them alone. Change the spelling
favourites
Moreover
, people
's mental health recovery is
Verb problem
apply
also
taken
place faster owing to having time Wrong verb form
takes
interact
with their Fix the infinitive
to interact
soul
carefully. Fix the agreement mistake
souls
This
is a crucial process, which all of
individuals need to do for self-healing Change preposition
apply
purpose
. Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
For instance
, playing tennis alone while
immersed in the world of infatuated type of music may offer people
, who are introverted, relaxation and peace in order to speak themselves
. Change preposition
for themselves
Together with
this
, when joining in individuals
Change the noun form
individual
sports
, human
can play whenever and whatever they want, in lieu of having to wait or follow Fix the agreement mistake
humans
partners'
wishes.
In conclusion, practising with a Correct pronoun usage
their partners'
team
may increase your relationship network, along with
a great energy recovery. Despite self-practising will create you
a peaceful atmosphere, Correct pronoun usage
apply
beside
Replace the word
besides
flexible
schedule, which depends only on your own. From my perspective, the first kind of sport seems to have more advantages, Correct article usage
a flexible
due to
bonding with close friends permit
Correct subject-verb agreement
permits
people
receive
attention.Add the particle
to receive
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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are clearly organized with one main idea each and use appropriate linking words to maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction and conclusion to clearly state the topic and your position, ensuring that they bookend the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points more thoroughly with clear, specific examples and explanations to better support claims and arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
Give a complete response to the prompt by discussing both views equally and providing a clear opinion backed up by relevant reasons.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in presenting ideas, avoiding ambiguity and superficial treatment of the topic. Expand on ideas to fully address the task and exhibit a comprehensive understanding of the issues at hand.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate and strengthen points made. Examples should be directly related to the topic and help to clarify your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example