Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In recent years shopping has become an activity which
people
are keeping on their hobby list. It's not happening in a single society or a single country but all over the globe. Especially for young person
shopping is the most leisurely activity. Fix the agreement mistake
people
However
, this
trend is viewed as positive or negative depending on the individual's point of view. In this
essay, I shall try to explain my views on this
culture and my opinion on this
subject matter.
There are a lot of reasons involved for which people
are getting
shopping freaks in the Verb problem
have become
last
decade. As per history and the story what we heard from our grandfather or great grandfather
is that Add a hyphen
great-grandfather
people
used to live with friends and family. Many people
lived together, and they spent quality time with as
example we can mention they travelled a lot together, took their lunch/dinner together even watched a movie in Change preposition
For
theatre
with their family members. Social networking and financial instability can be added as another reason.
Add an article
the theatre
a theatre
Furthermore
, as young people
in the stage of a transition from child
/teen to adult, they are eager to showcase their aggression to prove to themselves towards parents and grandparents that they can go outside and make some decisions. Adults in America and Asia are experiencing Replace the word
childhood
this
trend.
To me neither it's a positive nor a negative development of society but a mixed feeling. People
should try to find something which will balance everything like their social life, and personal life. As it
will not bring a good result if that person Correct word choice
It
will take
or Wrong verb form
takes
perform
something prohibited Correct subject-verb agreement
performs
at
staying home. Change preposition
while
On the other hand
, is it good that young people
devote themselves to shopping instead
of being involved in cultural events, reading books, and playing games in the yard?Submitted by bdcracker007 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The introduction does not effectively outline the points that will be discussed, and the essay jumps from one point to another without clear transitions or a logical flow of ideas. To improve, it is important to create an essay plan before writing and stick to it, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all ideas are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not effectively set up and summarise the essay's main points. The introduction should provide an overview of the reasons for shopping's popularity among the youth and indicate whether this is positive or negative, while the conclusion should summarize the main arguments and restate your opinion. Please ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the points to be covered, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but the supporting details are not consistently clear or relevant. It's crucial to develop each main point with specific examples, evidence, or explanations that directly relate to the question prompt. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. The essay starts to address why shopping has become popular for young adults but does not fully explore the reasons behind this trend. It also fails to provide a clear answer to whether this is a positive or negative development. To achieve a higher score for task achievement, it is important to address all parts of the task and provide a balanced discussion, along with a clear opinion.
task achievement
Ideas are present, but they are not always clear or comprehensive. To score higher, make sure that each paragraph has one clear main idea that is developed with explanations and examples. Avoid general statements and ensure that your ideas are specific and directly related to the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples and relevant details is limited. Including real-world examples, statistics, or personal experiences can significantly enhance the quality of your arguments and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic. Make sure to provide specific examples to support each main point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.