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Band 4.5

Speech freedom is important for free society. Do you agree ar disagree?

#speech #freedom #society #ar
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the role of free
speech
 in a free society.
This
 debate often happens among various political groups and most of them advocate that all
opinious
Correct your spelling
opinions
 should be considered even the extreme ones.
Whilist
Correct your spelling
Whilst
 I believe that freedom of
speech
 is necessary for a good-functioning society and we need to protect
Correct pronoun usage
it by
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by
Change preposition
at
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 all costs.
While
 it is well known that the freedom of
speech
 is important at all levels in a society. Yet it is important for the
government
. A
government
 which does not have a connection and sense of trust from common folk is destined for demise
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because there should be
a
Remove the article
apply
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transparency in all layers of the
government
.
For example
, a lot of dictatorships in the
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
show examples
 have experienced similar things, and one of them is Iran, where
people
 started to rebel against the current state because they were trying to confine opposing politicians and it led to their eventual demise. Similar things are happening all over the world.
Furthermore
, without free
speech
Add a comma
speech,
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people
 cannot express their political views that oppose the ideology of the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 meaning that most
of
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apply
show examples
human rights will be violated.
Also
,
people
 cannot resist injustices that happen among the elites and they will be exterminated if they dare to oppose. One
of
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apply
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such
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
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 is the protest in Zhanaozen that happened in Kazakhstan because of low wages.
People
 were furious
of
Change preposition
about
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 it, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they tried to protest where they were killed, but that injustice has led to the uprising that has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
Correct article usage
the everthrow
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everthrow
Correct your spelling
overthrow
 of the
government
. In conclusion, I believe that freedom of
speech
 is a basic and necessary human right that should not be violated. It may be hard to admit, but the violation of it will be disastrous in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear introduction which directly addresses the essay prompt without unnecessary generalizations. Your introduction should define the scope of the essay and present a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear central idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that are directly related to the main topic.
task achievement
Aim for clarity and conciseness in your writing. Avoid long-winded sentences and aim to express ideas directly and efficiently.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Ensure each paragraph and sentence logically follows the previous one, using appropriate cohesive devices to make the relationships clear.
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, neatly summarize the main points of the essay, ensuring it is aligned with the introduction and body of the text. Restate your thesis or the main idea of the essay in a conclusive way.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and discourse markers to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This helps in making the essay more coherent and easy to follow.
task achievement
Proofread to avoid grammatical errors and ensure correct usage of vocabulary. This will increase the academic tone of the essay and improve its overall quality.
task achievement
Relevant examples should be specific and clearly connected to the argument being made in the paragraph. General statements should be minimized unless they contribute directly to the point being made.
task achievement
Avoid making sweeping generalizations without substantiating them. Stick to the essay prompt and provide concrete reasoning behind your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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