Nowadays, many people have easy access to computers and a large number of children play computer games.
Nowadays, a lot of
children
can play computer
games
because getting access to computers is not difficult. Due to
that, children
spend most of their time
playing video games
. However
, it is not good for their health
. Parents
have to provide education
to their children
or give some guidance to them.
To begin
with, playing computer
games
for a long time
has a negative impact on children
. It will affect their health
such
as eye strain, stomach pain and so on. In fact, excessive gaming will have consequences for our eyes. Moreover
, they are used to ignoring the schedule of eating, which can make them get sick . For instance
, a child plays a game for 10 hours every single day. As a result
, they get eyesight and bodily health
problems. Finally
, it will disturb their academic process.
To minimize the impact of this
case, parents
must maintain the activities of their children
. It would be better if they helped the children
to make a schedule. For example
, parents
give education
about the danger of online gaming addiction. They can also
give some guidance about how to manage their time
between studying and playing games
. Hence
, applying education
about managing time
for children
is one of the best ways to overcome this
problem.
To sum up
, I totally believe that excessive computer
gaming has a negative influence on children
's future prospects. It has potential health
problems and academic risks. Furthermore
, the role of parents
is the main point of this
case. Parents
should give education
and guidance to their children
so that the negative impact of computer
gaming can be avoided.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points to be discussed, each body paragraph should focus on a single main point with support, and the conclusion should summarize the essay's main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help the reader follow the argument. These include connectors, pronouns, and referencing words. Avoid overusing these devices, as this can make the essay feel mechanical.
task achievement
Develop each main point in sufficient depth with explanations and examples. While the essay mentions some effects of computer games on health and the role of parents, it would benefit from more detailed examples and explanations of these points.
task achievement
Stay on topic throughout the essay, ensuring all content is relevant to the question. You touched on the key issues but could further explore the implications of computer game usage, the balance between play and work, and the ways these can be addressed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?