IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays. most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #values #phenomenon
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the new generations, almost all countries strive to enhance their economic rate by minimizing the portion of living,
while
 others have been saying some individual values will lost. Personally, the advantages of enhancing the grade of living are higher than the disadvantages.
This
 essay will suggest that I feel that for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay. One commonly cited advantage of improving the quality of life is very rational because some genders buy items without any purpose or benefits and that affects the enhancement rates negatively.
Whereas
 human ought to invest their money in shares or real estate
then
 they can utilize does money for activities or shopping.
For example
, In the United States, many families use free coupons to purchase products
also
 others prefer to invest their money. After that, they use the profits to enhance their lifestyle. Despite
this
, there are a number of significant disadvantages required by economic development
such
 as the sales rate, which cause a catastrophic decrease,
otherwise
, the nation will begin to use electric cars and bikes
instead
 of public transportation.
that is
 the disaster in multiple companies.
For instance
, In The Netherlands, many citizens ride bikes and they purchase only items that they need.
In addition
,
that is
 profitable for the society but are harmful for the companies. In conclusion, it is frequently said that the enhancement of living economically
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a good idea for people who endeavour to upgrade their lives wisely by exploiting the development.
Submitted by alihafiid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical flow of ideas with clear transitions between paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain a single main idea followed by explanations or examples that support it. Additionally, avoid repetitive sentence structures to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
For better task achievement, ensure that the provided response fully addresses the question prompt, with a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Ideas should be developed in more depth with a balanced discussion of both sides, providing specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
What to do next:
Look at other essays: