IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some believe it is more important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #cities #towns #spaces
It is true that the role which outdoor public
spaces
 play has been of great importance to better our society.
However
, some people argue that heavy investment in building
such
spaces
 is crucial. I partially agree with
this
 statement
due to
 it will promote tourism and communication among people.
To begin
 with, investing in large outdoor public
spaces
 can significantly contribute to the well-being of a
community
. These
spaces
 foster social interactions, provide venus for cultural events and gatherings, and promote a sense of communal belonging.
In addition
, well-designed public
spaces
 can contribute to the aesthetic appeal of a city or town and enhance its
overall
 livability. In
this
 regard, investing in large outdoor public
spaces
 can be seen as an investment in the well-being and quality of life of the
community
.
On the other hand
, those who oppose
this
 view may argue that investing heavily in large outdoor public
spaces
 may not be the most pressing need for cities and towns. They may argue that resources could be better allocated to addressing issues
such
 as affordable housing, public transportation and infrastructure maintenance.
Additionally
, maintaining these
spaces
 over time could present ongoing financial challenges.
Furthermore
, some may contend that in densely populated urban areas, land for large outdoor public
spaces
 may be scarce and expensive, making it impractical to prioritize
such
 investments.
Therefore
, a balanced approach that takes into account a diverse range of
community
 needs is crucial for sustainable urban development.
To conclude
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
building large outdoor public
spaces
 can undoubtedly bring about numerous benefits for cities and towns. It is important to consider the broader needs of the
community
. Eventually, a mix of different types of investments may be necessary to ensure the holistic development of cities and towns. (291 words)
Submitted by g4832525 on

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Task Achievement
To boost your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay thoroughly answers the question asked. You've provided a balanced view, but including more detailed examples to support your ideas will make your argument more compelling. For instance, mention specific cities where investment in public spaces has boosted community well-being or tourist numbers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increase the coherence and cohesion of your essay by creating clearer connections between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, in addition) effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Also, developing a more structured approach to paragraphs, ensuring each has a clear main idea and supporting sentences, can enhance readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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