the charts bellow show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

the charts bellow show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
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The given line graph illustrates the trends in ownership of electrical appliances,
such
Linking Words
as
:
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apply
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washing machines,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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, and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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, and
time consuming
Wrong verb form
consumption
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in
Change preposition
of
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housework in households in one country from 1920 to 2019. The units are measured in
percentage
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of households per
year
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and
number
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of
hours
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per
week
Use synonyms
every
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that electrical
appliances
Change the noun form
appliance
show examples
owners were increasing dramatically,
whereas
Linking Words
the
number
Use synonyms
of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
spent on housework was declining gradually. The first line graph depicts trends
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
electrical
appliances
Change the noun form
appliance
show examples
ownership. In 1920, there were no households
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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owned a refrigerator, but the following
year
Use synonyms
these ownerships
were soaring
Wrong verb form
soared
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and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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the
Correct article usage
a
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peak in 1980 at 100
percent
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
steady until 2019. Vacuum cleaners stood at 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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in 1920
then
Linking Words
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
moderately and reached 100
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and unchanged in 2019.
Last
Linking Words
, washing machines started
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
highest
percentage
Use synonyms
compared with others, at 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 1920 and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the highest
percentage
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in 1940.
Linking Words
While in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
1960, it had the same
percentage
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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at 70
percent
Use synonyms
. Even though witnessed a decline in 1980 at around 65
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, it bounced back to
rose
Correct article usage
a rose
show examples
and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 2019. Meanwhile, the
number
Use synonyms
of
hours
Use synonyms
per
week
Use synonyms
decreased gradually from the initial
year
Use synonyms
until 2019. Stood at 50
hours
Use synonyms
per
week
Use synonyms
in 1920 and in 1960 the
number
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of
hours
Use synonyms
fell more than half.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 1980 the
hours
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remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
steady to 2019 at just above 10
hours
Use synonyms
per
week
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, year, number, hours, week, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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