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Band 2

Many High Street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development?

#street #shops #business #years #development
There are 2 main factors becoming the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 market trend: (1)
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 &
(2
Correct word choice
and (2
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)
Rapid
Correct article usage
the Rapid
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 Growth of Online Shopping behaviour. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years,
pandemic
Add an article
the pandemic
a pandemic
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 has huge impact on most
of
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apply
show examples
businesses
Add an article
the businesses
show examples
, including High
Street
Shops
. Customer behaviour has changed,
Online
Correct word choice
and Online
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 Shopping become the only option as the
lock down
Correct your spelling
lockdown
show examples
 policy implementation in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries. Online Shopping attracts both old &
new
Correct word choice
and new
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generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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 to move from traditional retail
shops
. It offers lower & discount price. It brings simplicity in term of
customer
Add an article
the customer
show examples
 journey, whereby customer does not have to travel
for obtaining
Change preposition
to obtain
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 the goods they want.
This
 is the new
the
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apply
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era of Shopping. High
Street
shops
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
 to adapt, whereby they need to expand their business to focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Online Shopping
instead
 of focusing only
to
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on
show examples
 traditional retail
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
.
In
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On
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 the other hand,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should support by making the policy to give fair
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 both for traditional and Online shopping. In conclusion, it is indeed
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development if High
Street
Shops
 & Government can adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
above
Add an article
the above
an above
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 recommendation and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 development if one of the parties (e.g. High
Street
Shops
) does not want to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
these new era
Change the determiner
this new era
these new eras
show examples
 of Shopping.
Submitted by anindya.khansalihara on

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Introduction
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that sets the context for the topic. You should explicitly address the question and outline the structure of your essay.
Examples
It is important to provide specific examples from a range of sources to support your points. General statements need to be substantiated with more detailed information to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Logical structure
To improve coherence, you should organize your essay more logically, using cohesive devices and paragraphs that follow a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should summarise your arguments clearly and restate your position on the development's positivity or negativity, offering a more nuanced final viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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