IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, most people prefer to rent their homes rather than buy them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home?

#countries #people #rent #homes #home
In
this
 hustle-and-bustle society, there has been ongoing debate regarding whether
people
 should buy their own houses. Some argue that renting homes can have tons of benefits,
while
 others are afraid of detrimental effects.
This
 essay will explore both perspectives and present my personal viewpoint. In
this
 neoliberal society, the prices of houses increase exponentially. It is widely agreed that most young
people
 are not able to afford the expense of buying a
house
.
Therefore
, they prefer to rent one as their dwelling. One significant advantage of renting is that
people
 can have less pressure on the loan. What is obvious is that ordinary
people
 usually purchase a
house
 and divide the loan into several years even decades.
As a consequence
, a majority of their salary will be used to pay for their debt, and
this
 will impose tremendous pressure on them. With more chances to save income, those choosing to rent a
house
instead
 of buying one could enjoy better life quality in other aspects
such
 as food and entertainment.
On the other hand
, some
people
 would argue that we are supposed to own a personal space. What is
also
 alarming is that possessing a
house
 can complement
people
’s security. Without personal property,
people
 will have a sense of fear which is an uncertain feeling about misplacement.
This
 disadvantage will haunt
people
 in their daily life. In conclusion, it is evident that
people
 should elaborately strike a balance between renting and purchasing a
house
. From my perspective, it is essential to leverage self-income status and decide whether to rent a
house
.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequence and clear progression of ideas. Although the essay has structure, some points appear underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding and supporting main points with clear examples. The main advantages and disadvantages could be more detailed and supported by specific examples.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but could provide a more comprehensive analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of renting.
task achievement
Clarify and deepen the discussion of ideas to ensure a comprehensive response to the question. Some ideas are stated but not elaborated upon adequately.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant examples to strengthen the argument and illustrate points made, providing a more complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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