IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the latest technological advancements, dating is now possible online. Would you recommend online dating for your single friends? What are the advantages and disadvantages of online dating? Site some examples to support your answer.

#advancements #friends #site #support
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In the early days communicating with
people
 has become normal nowadays because of technology like Instagram,facebook etc. And now dating
also
 becoming possible online there are many persons are using dating
apps
 to find a partner and or make friends and for more. In
this
 essay, we will discuss about advantages and disadvantages of online dating.
Firstly
to begin
 with the main reason Messenger is to send important information to a person who is long distance and today technology has created many
apps
 for dating. Shy and introverted
people
 have become the biggest feature by messaging that person they can express their feelings and share many things and get to know each other if they are both interested they can date or leave.
For example
, my friend is very shy about speaking in front of girls communication is very lag but by using
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
apps
 he can throw away shyness and by using
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
apps
people
 can be free to talk with anyone by using
apps
.
On the other hand
, by using these
apps
 many
people
 can go into a trap because so many fake individuals create their profiles like girls
this
 is very disadvantageous in online dating
apps
. By
this
, they can't trust the other side of
people
 and if they are too deep in the relationship if they ask for money they will give it to the person.
For example
, Instagram has deleted 25 per cent accounts because of they all are fake IDs. I conclude that dating app is not the right way to find a partner because finding yours in dating
apps
 is wrong anyway if you are very shy you can use dating
apps
 to talk.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
The essay lacks a distinct introduction with a clear thesis statement to guide the reader on what to expect in the essay. Consider revising the introduction to include a thesis statement that clearly addresses the topic and outlines the main points to be covered.
coherence cohesion
The essay's ideas are somewhat presented in a logical order, but the writing is often unclear and confusing. This can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. I would recommend working on clear topic sentences for each paragraph and using transition words to better link ideas.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your main points. While you provided a personal anecdote about a friend and mentioned Instagram's actions against fake accounts, more detailed examples could strengthen your argument. Try to include statistics or real-world evidence where possible.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea, supported by explanations and examples. The conclusion should summarize the main advantages and disadvantages discussed, and restate your recommendation in a clear manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wider pool
  • Potential partners
  • Pre-screening
  • Compatible interests
  • Convenience
  • Accessibility
  • Empowerment
  • Deceitful profiles
  • Misrepresent
  • Lack of depth
  • Physical appearance
  • Analysis paralysis
  • Cyber-security
  • Compromised information
  • Dating app
  • Common interests
  • Meaningful connection
  • Identity theft
  • Overwhelming choices
  • Social circles
What to do next:
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