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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is suggested that everyone wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do the disadvantages to society outweigh the advantages?

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Undoubtedly, in
this
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 modern era, a number of modifications have taken place in the nation.
Due to
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this
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, everyone wants to own a technical
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
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such
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 as
car
Correct article usage
a car
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, fridge
and a tv
Correct your spelling
or TV
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.
Thus
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, the disadvantages to the community outweigh as far more than the advantages.
Firstly
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, several factors are associated with it, but the main one is the lack of exercise. To illustrate, nowadays individuals spend their quality
of
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apply
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time
on
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apply
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watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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,
smartphone
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smartphones
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 and many more. Which can hold the
long
Correct word choice
apply
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attention of the people. With
this
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, they are suffering from different health hazards
such
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 as obesity, poor eyesight and muscle pain.
Also
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, it
keep
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keeps
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 people far away because when they invest a long hour on screen they do not have
a
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apply
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time to speak evening with their family.
This
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 leads
conflicts
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to conflicts
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 between them because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of communication.
Therefore
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, not only
technical
Add a missing verb
does technical
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 gadgets
weaker
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weaken
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 the bonding of family members, but
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also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cause environmental problems.
For instance
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, in
this
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21th
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21st
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 century, everyone wants to own their personal card,
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due
Correct word choice
and due
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 to
this
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emission
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emissions
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toxic
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of toxic
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 gases are increasing at
a
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an
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 alarming rate
such
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 as
corbon
Correct your spelling
carbon
 dioxide and other.
Secondly
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,
fridge
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the fridge
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 is
very
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a very
the very
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 crucial gadget which can contain
the
Correct determiner usage
all
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sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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 of food for
a weeks
Correct the article-noun agreement
a week
weeks
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. To explain, a survey was conducted by Cambridge University which concluded that nearly 70 per cent of individuals are working and they prefer to cook their food in advance and store it in the refrigerator for a long time.
Apart from
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this
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, televisions are
the
Correct article usage
a
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 source of enjoyment and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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also
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to entertain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family members without going out.
Last
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 but not least, in bygone days, the masses
face
Wrong verb form
faced
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 difficulties
to travel
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in traveling
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 from one place to another, but now navigating become easier with the help of cars.
To conclude
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,
although
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 technical developments
such
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 as cars,
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 and
fridge
Fix the agreement mistake
fridges
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 make
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 easier,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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also
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puts
Verb problem
have
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 detrimental effects on nature
as well as
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 on human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
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 health.

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coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the main points should be more developed and transitions between them could be smoother.
task achievement
Specific examples to illustrate your points are sparse and sometimes not entirely relevant. Try to include more detailed examples that directly support your arguments to enhance clarity and effectiveness.
task achievement
The response somewhat addresses the prompt, but it is important to ensure all parts of the task are fully covered. Your essay could have examined both advantages and disadvantages more thoroughly and provided a more balanced view before reaching the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Please pay attention to grammatical range and accuracy. Errors in sentence structure, article usage, and prepositions are noticeable and reduce the clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Lastly, please ensure that you write a clear thesis statement in your introduction and that this thesis is reflected in your conclusion. This will help in improving the overall logical structure and coherence of your essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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